Experiences in the Vortex

Yesterday was a surreal day which I spent fully exposed to the shopping vortex inhabited by my wife and her friend from Maine.  Apparently they had completely exhausted the local shopping environment and needed to extend their talents further afield.  My wife volunteered me to drive down to Newport, Rhode Island ostensibly in order for her friend to see the Newport mansions.

I was not deluded and replied that there would probably be shopping involved.  In a tribute to her acting ability she innocently claimed that if the opportunity to shop arose they might take advantage of that.  Fortunately she’s honest enough to immediately break into laughter.

The early start we envisioned was overcome by the need to talk incessantly over breakfast.  Since I was operating under the radar I kept my mouth shut. 

Breakfast Delays

Of course driving into southern Rhode Island on a summer Saturday meant traffic, lots of traffic.  My wife said, to her credit, with a completely straight face, that she had forgotten how bad the traffic was there on weekends in the summer.  For probably the first time in my life I was not bothered by the delay since I knew what waited at the end of our trip - shopping.   

Rhode Island Traffic

I like driving to Newport for the fantastic views as you approach first Jamestown and then Newport from the bridges needed to access both places.  There was a long line of traffic waiting to get into the city so we opted for hitting the navy base for some shopping at the base PX.  I finished my shopping in about ten minutes and then went to form a closer relationship with my kindle.  A couple hours later the ladies emerged having conducted a scorched earth campaign and looking for fresh prey.

They claimed to be dying of hunger and that lunch would be required before they could continue their depredations.  We drove into Newport and immediately fell into the maelstrom of tourist traffic looking for non-existent parking.  I know a few shortcuts and we ended up in a conga line of traffic creeping up the main drag of the shopping district.  We were aiming for an Irish pub in the middle of the shopping district (go figure).  We were a couple blocks short when I spied another short cut opportunity and dropped off the ladies.  I told them to walk up to the pub and secure a table while I searched out some parking.  I wandered the back streets of historic Newport and lucked into a free parking space right on the common just a few minutes walk from the pub. 

Shopping District Yesterday

I was exceedingly pleased with myself and quickly made my way through the thongs of tourist and Navy personnel to the bar.  I asked the maitre’ di if she had seen two short, cute Latina ladies and was rewarded with a blank stare.  My wife was typically not answering her phone as I set off on the seemingly impossible task of finding them in the huge crowd.  I made my way towards where I left them off and found them less than 15 feet from where I last saw them.   

The Missing Persons Caught in the Act

Apparently their hunger pangs were no match for the bargains offered by that store.  Eventually I was able to successfully extract them to provide the sustenance they’d need for further shopping exertions.  A very nice lunch followed at the pub watching the crowds shuffle by.  I engineered a deal whereby I would remain at the pub sitting at the bar when they set up for more shopping.  I’m that kind of guy, willing to make sacrifices ( J ). 

Wife Successfully Blocking Photo at Lunch

Much to my sorrow as I was deeply immersed in watching golf on the bar TV and admiring the gentler side of the tourist trade passing by, both of my Latinas arrived back before I could finish even my first beer.  My wife tried to tempt with a chocolate cupcake realizing that while I love both beer and cupcakes – the combination of the two forms an almost irresistible temptation. 

The Ladies on Newport Common With their Spoils

I think she was trying to test my devotion to the keto diet.  I passed the test, barely.  I’m sure my face was a good approximation of Buddy as I watched her consume the cupcake. 

We finally did get around to seeing a few mansions as the sun was starting to set.  I’ve done the tour so often that I even avoided the monumental traffic again.  We returned home after dark to release a very concerned Buddy from his day long sojourn in solitary.  I was exhausted but the ladies were making noises about heading out for dancing.   

Mansions

 

Tennis Hall of Fame

Before that they wanted to do some more of guess what – shopping.  Apparently one of the local ponds was restocked and out they headed.  They returned shortly after 11pm still talking about going out for dancing.  I don’t know where they get the energy – I am in awe!