Paternal Meanderings

My Father and Grandfather
Dad as a High School Student
Oct 1942

Yesterday was Father’s Day and my wife and daughter did a fabulous job of making me feel special.  I think their efforts far outstripped my paternal record but they made me feel really good.  They showered me with gifts but as I told them repeatedly the best gift was being with them.  My son managed a call from Kyrgyzstan and that made the day complete.  The day also had me thinking back to my own father.  I have a lot of issues there.  He died in a car accident when I was only 21 and I never got to know him as an adult.  He was a seriously flawed guy but my opinion of him has softened over the years.  He was the youngest of a huge family and spoiled rotten by his older siblings but was well liked by his friends which is a good indicator.  I’ve always resented that he kind of abandoned his kids after the contentious divorce from my mother but I’ve come to understand it if not agree with it.  I did get to know my mother as an adult and I know she could be an absolute terror when crossed.  I think it would have taken a tougher man than my father was to stand up to her and take the cruel barbs she inflicted every time he came to get us.  In talking to members of his family I know that he loved us kids desperately and that more than anything has ameliorated my antipathy towards him.  I’ve always been intensely frustrated that I didn’t get to know him as an adult; I’m now older than he ever got to be and that’s stunning to me for some reason.  I think he would have really enjoyed getting to know my kids and I wish they could have met the guy who still haunts my recollections as probably my biggest regret but also my fondest memories; love you dad.  Yesterday the wife and daughter wouldn’t let me do anything in the way of physical labor.  My daughter treated me to brunch following church at the Cracker Barrel and then let me win in a game of lawn bowling.  Buddy was frustrated that we were playing a game that he could not effectively interfere with.  The balls are too heavy for him to make off with.  He did have a funny moment with my wife.  She was wearing gloves to marinate steaks and was juggling the phone with her elbows.  She was coming over to give me the phone when Buddy became intensely interested in her meat flavored gloves.  She didn’t appreciate how funny it was as my daughter and I howled in laughter.  Sadly the day had to end and even more sadly I had to brave the Connecticut highway system to take her back to her train.  Maybe that’s why I hate the roads so much, they symbolize having to let her go again.  She declined Buddy’s presence for the ride, having sated that experience level the day before (total cat person she).  It was a wild ride with me driving almost as recklessly as my wife drives  that unfortunately ended with just missing the train so she had to wait another hour.  She was a good sport about it even though I know she was less than pleased with us, thank God it was Father’s Day.  It was one of those days that I never wanted to end.

The Best Gift - My Daughter's Visit

My Wife and I With Way Too Many Gifts

My Daughter and I Lawn Bowling

Buddy Trying to Figure Out How to Hide the Balls So We'll Play with Him

My Wife Trying to Hold the Phone With Meat Covered Gloves
Buddy Very Intrigued by Smell

My Wife Grilling the Steaks