Overcoming Shyness

I mentioned in an earlier post that I was extremely shy in my youth.  My kids have always doubted that and say, “Well you certainly overcame that!”  Well into college I was extremely bashful around people I did not know.  I was terrified of public speaking and had a real problem with self-confidence.  It took me an entire semester to ask the girl I was eventually engaged to out on our first date.  I did that by writing her a letter over the summer and started up a pretty lively correspondence.  When school started up again I walked right by her without saying anything – petrified.  Of course I did get over it, we were engaged.  There were two things I can point to that helped me eventually defeat this social shortcoming.  The first was joining a fraternity.  While this did have a disastrous effect on my academic pursuits it was also a life changing process for me in terms of self confidence.  Being thrust into a situation where I had a bunch of brothers really helped.  I still count some of those guys as close friends even though I haven’t seen some of them in decades.  I think being part of a close knit group of men made my transition to the military much easier.  I was struck in basic training by how much it reminded me of pledging and hell week at the frat.  The Army and especially the infantry really is a band of brothers.  Almost immediately I was placed in leadership positions where I couldn’t be shy, I had to take charge.  This also helped with my fear of public speaking.  I always tell my kids the best way to get comfortable speaking in front of a large group is to actually do it.  The first few times are terrifying but it is something that gets quantifiably easier each time.  It probably helped that a large number of my early audiences were required to listen to what I was saying but I always felt this was an important life lesson.  I routinely have to speak to large groups of employees or speak at board meetings and I don’t even get nervous any more.  After these speaking events I sometimes think back to how terrified I would have been back in my youth.  Like my kids say, I got over it.