Lessons Delivered

I learned some very important things yesterday.  Chief among them was not referring to large hands when those hands are being used to support the posterior of a lady, luckily the lady was my wife.  I thought I was being exceedingly clever by calling attention to the fact that in an old family photo I was using my hand to support the wife’s slender and well formed backside (yes I’m in the recovery mode). I made the mistake by calling attention to the fact that I had large hands to perform the task. 

The Photo That Got Me Into Trouble
Note my Slender and Well Formed Hands!

A female friend upon seeing the caption commented that I was probably in trouble for that comment.  I was still mystified but showed the wife what I posted and she confirmed I was an idiot and delivered a well aimed blow upside my apparently bereft cranium.  So it goes.

I also learned that sending e-mails at the height of First Fridays is not necessarily the brightest thing to do.  My wife asked me yesterday if I’d gotten an answer back from the email I’d sent to our son in law from Zorba’s.  I then remembered (vaguely) that I had sent something.  We were wondering over pizza what to get him for Christmas so I’d volunteered to send an immediate email.  An I-Phone keyboard was not built with me in mind and apparently after a few beers I’m not at the height of literary prowess.  This is what I sent:

“needs some help.  Wants to. Buy u shirts jackets etc For Xmas. Needs guidance. Please send style you prefer. Excuse typing have had a few. Beers. Love u.”

I received a very bemused response yesterday with some information and this sign off:

“What a great email. Ha.”

I dressed my wounds, both literal and figurative while my wife left to start her Christmas onslaught of shopping.  She realizes including me is the worst possible choice (see I’ve won at least one battle over the last 31 years!).  Buddy and I embarked on finishing up the winterizing of the garage.  When I backed the car out I let Buddy get into the back seat; mainly so I wouldn’t run over him as he darts around.

Garage Before

Once I got the car out I opened the door but he refused to get out.  He apparently was holding out for a much longer ride (he loves hanging out the window).  I went about cleaning the garage, putting the mower away and emplacing the poles to mark the edges of the driveway.  Buddy usually takes these opportunities to continue his squirrel monitoring operations in the front yard but he was firmly parked inside the car with the door open.

Buddy Staging his Sit-in

It took me a little over an hour to finish everything off and be ready to move the car back into the garage but there was Buddy patiently (rare use of the word patient and Buddy in same sentence) staging his sit- in.  Since the wife wasn’t around to counsel me on the idiocy I took the car out for a ten mile drive with Buddy joyously hanging out the window and occasionally commenting at some of the people and pets we passed.  I felt better afterwards and as soon as we pulled back into the house he jumped right out and chased a squirrel.

Garage After

My wife’s shopping foray lasted longer than she anticipated (who saw that coming?) so the movie matinee we were going to see was shifted to the evening.  I hate going to the movies on Friday and Saturday nights because of the big crowds and teeny boppers.  As with many small towns the boppers get dropped off by parents and form packs bent on annoying the rest of us.  We had a gang of them in the back of the theater who spent the entire movie running up and down the stairs in some sort of pre-pubescent mating ritual.  I'm firmly entering the curmudgeon phase of life.

The movie itself, Delivery Man, surprised the heck out of me.  I went in expecting an over the top comedy centered around a guy who finds out that he’s the father of over 500 grown kids due to a vigorous policy of sperm donations twenty years before.  It turned out to be a really nice film about a guy finding himself, connecting with life in general and the importance of family.  Vince Vaughn portrays the prodigious procreator and finally tones it down enough to be genuinely likable.  It’s the best thing he’s done in years and shows some real heart. 

We came out of the theater staring daggers at the parents lined up to retrieve the pack boppers and found everything coated in snow.  Glad I got that winterizing done.