Mongoso Post – Frail Dancing on the High Seas

Alright you’ve had a much deserved break from reading my self-important musings for the past week – the vacation is officially over for both of us. I will now burden you with a recounting of my nautical adventures over the past week as my wife and I joined my favorite son, the ABFA and her parents for a cruise from Boston to Bermuda. I wasn’t sure I was going to like this because I’d never been on a cruise before. Those doubts (and my wallet) were shattered in fairly spectacular fashion after a week on the Norwegian Dawn. Since everything except breathing costs extra I didn’t spend additional dollars for internet access which was kind of a Godsend since it allowed more time to spend with the real joy of the trip – the people I was traveling with. I did dutifully and in most cases somewhat foggily arise every morning to record the prior day’s events in written form while sitting on my balcony ten floors (I mean decks) above the water. I apologize for the scant ability of my words to capture the beauty and sheer amount of fun the past week assembled. For that reason I’ve included a numbing amount of the pictures. Like I said, your vacation is over!

Day 1 – Cars, Buses, Trains, and One Very Large Boat (I mean Ship)

Calling day 1 hectic would be a vast understatement. It called for another early morning wakeup after a late night moving furniture into the garage so a charity to Boston could pick it up while we’re gone (luck of having great neighbors). My wife’s addiction to luggage packing saved the day again; I’m so lucky she seems to enjoy it so much. We had a very easy drive up to Nashua to link up with the ABFA and her parents. I discovered they have a very user friendly inter-city bus connection into South Station in Boston, along with free parking. Somehow we all got into one car along with our luggage (I’m not saying it was easy). While on the bus my realtor contacted me and was desperate to have my wife and I sign the offer sheet for the sale of our house. Miraculously this occurred electronically over twenty to thirty miles via our i-phone. I also had to contact the water company to come in to service our well in preparation for the sale. All this occurred before we even hit Boston. I was ready for vacation and escape from a suddenly very intrusive reality.

Controlled Chaos of Boarding

First Meal on Board Still Dockside

Our Room

We linked up with our son in Boston where he’d worked a half day and jumped on the silver line to our ship. I was not prepared for how massive the ship was as we pulled up. We were greeted by a scene of chaotic order as 2500 passengers were all trying to board the ship at the same time. I learned later that 2500 people had left the ship only a couple hours prior so the chaos was amazingly controlled given that scenario. There were long lines that moved quickly and after signing over a credit card that was savagely beaten over the ensuing eight days we walked onto the ship. My son truly enjoyed being our spiritual guide for the voyage for the two sets of parents – all cruise virgins.

First Drinks in the Pearly Kings

The Rest of the Gang

ABFA and Son Topside

View from Up Top

Since it was Friday and tradition must be served, the very first place we identified and subsequently patronized was the English Pub – the Pearly Kings which boasted a very cute and feisty Montenegrin waitress who became a favorite of ours. The ABFA’s dad is invariably gregarious and we soon had her entire life story. We checked into our cabins to find balcony rooms on the tenth deck with great views, a king sized bed, television, and a small but very functional bathroom. My suitcase showed up but we had to go through some gyrations to locate and free my wife’s. As we found throughout the trip the ship’s crew were unfailingly polite and helpful in locating the missing luggage

Dancing for Departure

Goodbye Boston

ABFA and Wife Joined the Dance

View from Cabin

The departure was Boston was kind of surreal and almost stunning at how fast the ship maneuvered and then headed out to sea. I was struck by the speed of this massive beast. I was worried about sea sickness but I found I kind of enjoyed the experience – I found the open sea soothing. You scratch a New Englanders and you’ll find a sailor, we’re a sea faring tribe (I guess). My wife had a couple minor bouts of nausea but nothing serious.

ABFA's Dad and I at Dinner in the Venetian

We explored the ship during departure festivities and found bars at almost every turn as I started to realize the nautical life might not be all bad. My wife and the ABFA joined in some dancing on the very top of the ship where the very enthusiastic cruise director was introducing himself to the crowd. As soon as we cleared Boston the casino opened up with its usual smell of cigarette smoke and desperation. I think that was the only time in the entire cruise I subjected myself to that environment.

Our Personal Cruise Directors

We had a fantastic dinner in a restaurant that became our favorite, the Venetian. It’s located as the stern of the ship with huge plate glass windows with views of the trodden sea although a huge fog bank on this first night muted the views to a certain extent. During this entire first night we had a photographer constantly walking up and taking pictures of us. I briefly indulged in illusionary thinking that we were spectacularly photogenic until apprised of the fact this was another way they suck money out of wallets. We ended up sleeping through some fairly rough seas and I awoke to find that I loved the cruise life.

Day 2 – Ship Familiarization Day, Sexy Legs and Filipino Band

This day was spent entirely at sea in the North Atlantic as we learned the ins and outs of ship life. Cruise passengers are a very strange but invariably friendly group with a very high percentage of overweight members (the food just comes at you in waves). The ship’s crew comprised an army of workers that are in constant motion emerging from restricted access points to instantly take care of passengers’ needs. They take hand washing and communicable disease prevention to a whole nother level with a crew member greeting every guest with a spray bottle of hand sanitizer at seemingly every turn with the catch phrase “washee washee”. The ship really is a floating city with bars, restaurants, shops, and a thousand other activities puzzled together into a seaborne hive. I spent a lot of time out on the balcony marveling at the serene yet restless ocean passing beneath.

Good Morning North Atlantic

We gathered on the top most deck nearest the pools for a welcome party where several jokes were made about the Bermuda Triangle which my superstitious wife did not find amusing. There was a sexy legs competition where male passengers had to parade though the pool area. This was hysterically won by a senior citizen who had outgrown literally all of his inhibitions. There was a pub crawl led by the cruise director which I somehow avoided and when the group passed by I thanked my avoidance (nuff said).

Son and I Topside

My favorite Panamanian On Baord

My son and I rallied the group to conduct our own pub crawl which was a rousing success (even if we stayed at Pearly Kings for the entire time) although at some point I ended up with an entire bucket of Coors Lite to tote along with me. We had dinner at the exact same table which wasn’t planned but the views out the rear of the ship were spectacular.

Sexy Legs Competition From Above

We ended the evening in the Spinnaker Lounge which boasted a Filipino rock band which was credibly good. My wife rarely left the dance floor (huge surprise) and was eventually joined by the rest of the party. I learned dancing on a moving ship does present some challenges but also can be used to excuse some of my less than graceful moves (finally).

Dinner at the Venetian

Day 3 – Land Ho and Island Busing

Even the Urinals Had Something to Hold onto to - Very Handy

I awoke to the first sight of land in three days and was surprised at how welcome a change in view was. I assumed and hoped it was Bermuda. We cruised down the entire length of the island to our anchorage across the Great Sound from Hamilton at an old Royal Naval base called the Dockyard. We had scheduled a bus tour of the island immediately upon arrival so we were some of the first people off the ship. We soon met our tour guide, Mr. Thomas of the size fifteen shoes (which cannot be found on Bermuda) who was kind of morose but turned out to be a good guide. We did get repeated and unneeded explanations on how people were buried on Bermuda as well as the inefficiency of his government and his overly talkative female boss.

Land Ho - Bermuda Sighting

Dockyard

Off Ship for First Time

Bermuda is genuinely beautiful and the weather reminded me of Hawaii. We started at the highest point of the island which had a light house and fantastic views of the entire island. We continued into Hamilton which was mostly closed because it was Sunday. The Bermudans were very friendly and we were bombarded throughout the trip with wishes of a Happy Mother’s Day to our group as we passed by, including a rather scruffy guy whom Mr. Thomas had just identified as a drug dealer. We continued on to the town of St George’s at the other end of the island which was very picturesque and had lunch on a dockside pub. My wife and I ended up in the village stocks (probably my fault). 

Views from Bus Tour

All the houses in Bermuda are required to have limestone roofs and a cistern built under the house to capture and reuse rain water. As we made our way back towards the ship we stopped at a couple of beaches and Mr. Thomas pointed out the Bermuda abodes of Sean Connery, Michael Bloomberg, and Michael Douglas. The roads were very tight, with lots of turns and of course driven on the wrong side or as Mr. Thomas pointed out, “Our roads were not made for drinking and driving”. Back at the ship we completed our Mother’s Day observation with a special dinner in a different restaurant.

Sleepy Hamilton

Lunch in St George's

Wife and I in The Stocks

Connery's House

The Mom's Properly Recognized

The Lost Rhode Island Ferry

Day 4 – Angry Scots and Swizzle Cruising

On the Ferry to Hamilton

Hamilton Harbor

The ABFA wanted a beach day but some stiff off shore breezes convinced the middle aged contingent to vote for a return to Hamilton via the ferry service. The ABFA and favorite son graciously accompanied us. The diesel catamarans are huge and the best way to get from the dockyard to Hamilton and St George’s. Interestingly one of the ferries still had Rhode Island Fast Ferry painted on the side where it obviously came from before finding a second life in the tropics. After crossing the Great Sound on a spectacular day we found Hamilton sprung to life after our initial somnambulant Sunday experience. The ladies made a bee line for shopping while my son and I took up position in a second floor harbor side pub to watch Bermudian life go by and partake of a sampler of Bermudian beers.

With My Sampler

Partner in Crime

Vandamme Pulling in

While we were thus engaged, yet another huge ocean liner, the Vandamme, cruised into Hamilton Harbor and tied up literally across the street from us. At an agreed upon time the ladies gave up shopping long enough to join us for lunch. We found another harbor side establishment, an Irish pub called Flanagan’s, with seats on the balcony. The ABFA’s father made the grievous error of asking our waiter, a very tart Scotsman, what county in Ireland he was from. We were all immediately accused of being Canadians.

Lunch

Hamilton Park

After some additional shopping I wasn’t quick enough to avoid we journeyed back across the Sound to the ship and an early dinner since we had arranged for an early evening excursion. One of the national drinks of Bermuda is the Rum Swizzle and we were going on a sunset catamaran cruise across the Great Sound called the “Swizzle Cruise”. The swizzle involves ginger, some liqueurs, and a generous portion of Bermudian rum and is fairly addictive. The catamaran pulled up directly across from our ship and we joined about twenty other passengers for the memorable journey.

Boarding for the Swizzle Cruise

Our swizzles were constantly refilled during the cruise while “Smitty” a Rastafarian white Bermudian captain provided a continuous commentary which kept us laughing throughout. My wife, in a huge surprise, more than held her own with the swizzle intake and even took to poaching from others. The sunset was every bit as beautiful as hoped for. We returned to ship devoted fans of the Bermudian National Drink. We hoped to catch a promised performance in a piano bar of some Billy Joel songs but only found some sad renditions of Frank Sinatra. The ABFA was not pleased. My wife’s swizzle consumption caught up with her and she bid us an early night. After escorting her to our room I returned to find my son engaged in battle with yet another sampler, this time martinis. He made the most of this bad decision and finished them all off (with ABFA assistance) except for the one that looked and apparently tasted like Windex. 

Coming Back to Our Ship

After escaping the piano bar we wandered through some other bars until we chanced upon a very, very funny dance competition back in the Spinnaker Lounge. Members of the ship’s dance troupe were paired up with a passenger and were hilariously judged by two members of the comedy group – Second City. It was a very funny way to end the day.

Day 5 – Fractured Fellowship and Sheep Dodging in White

Dockyard Shopping Mall

Team USA Gearing up for 2017 America's Cup

Our group split up on our last day in Bermuda as the ABFA finally got her beach day. My wife and I stayed in the Dockyard which had its own mall and hence a shopping opportunity. I was “jonesing” bad to tour the old Royal Navy fort placed right in front of the ship. I’ve always been enchanted with castles and forts and no one else in our party was likewise afflicted. After my wife was safely shopping I took off for a hurried tour of the former military post. There was some fascinating history associated with the fort, built to guard the entrance to the Great Sound, which is now a museum. I also had to be fairly nimble as they use sheep to keep the grass low so I spent some time tip toeing around the accompanying fertilizer. I could almost sense the old royal sailors and marines gong about their business and walking the ancient walls. There was also an exhibit about the Boer War where a number of Boer prisoners were held in the fort and a surprising dolphin pool.

Pictures from Fort Walk

Looking Back at our Ship

The beachgoers returned for out last foray on Bermudian soil which included more shopping, of course. The big event on the ship for departure day was the All White Party which dealt with attire and not racial affiliations. My wife spent a lot of time preparing my outfit which I felt made me look a little conspicuous and like a poor man’s ice cream salesman. The entire group went to the highest point of the ship to watch the departure. The ABFA’s mom remarked as we pulled away from the dock that she thought they blew the ship’s horn. Less than a second later the ship’s horn sounded right next to us in loud and thunderous fashion which had us all laughing.

Reunited

Is the Shopping Finally Over?

We dined in our usual restaurant as we watched Bermuda literally fade into our stern sunset. The ABFA was particularly upset as she decided she now wants to move to Bermuda. As the day’s light faded we took in a comedy show by the aforementioned Second City Comedy troupe, once again – hilarious improvisational. We ended the night back up on the top of the ship for the All White Party. It seemed a little like forced fun but offered some prime people watching opportunities and my wife discovered she likes Mudslides.

White Party Pictures with Your Friendly Ice Cream Man

Pearly Kings With Montenegrin Waitress

Day 6 – Rough Seas and Trivia Ringer

Second City

We ran into some really rough seas but the ship’s stabilizers were more than up to the challenge and kept the ship steady. There was sea spray kicked up as high as our tenth floor balcony but testimony to how well constructed the ship was that the 10-18’ waves were virtually undetectable on board. This sea day was a little different than the trip down since we were now familiar with the ship. The steady winds kept my wife behind closed doors but I took a walk outside with the ABFA’s parents and was rewarded with a school of flying fish trying to get out of the ship’s way. I was subsequently roped into an art appreciation lecture that I barely stayed awake for.

Deck Walk

Late in the afternoon we re-convened in the Pearly King’s Pub with our favorite Montenegrin for a trivia contest on classic rock songs. Little did we know that the ABFA’s mom was a true savant when it came to popular music. She nailed the songs after hearing only two notes and the rest of us were left in awe. After dinner we took in another brilliant Second City performance before viewing one of the Cruise Director’s less inspired ideas – a Men Versus Women competition. The men won despite sporting what had to be the least intelligent example of the species I’ve ever observed in the wild. I simply do not know how he managed to remember to breath. The most inspiring moment of the completion was the last event when all the team members had to form a line of their clothes as fast as possible. A very well endowed member of the female team donated her rather impressive brassiere to the effort.

Dolphin Attack

Whale Watching As Sun Sets

Day 7 – Dolphin Attack and Whaling Sunset

We were obviously going much slower on the trip back to Boston and this called for more deck wandering. While the ladies learned how to fold napkins the ABFA’s dad and I attended a lecture by the ship’s captain and key crew which turned out to be fascinating. He explained it took longer to return to Boston since if you looked at the map you realize we were heading uphill. I’m not confident everybody understood it was a joke. We attended a very entertaining Neil Diamond tribute concert in the afternoon. While enroute to the concert we spotted literally dozens of dolphins taking runs at the ship. They obviously thought the ship was interesting and put on a fantastic show. After a farewell tour of the Pearly Kings in which the ABFA mentioned there would be additional dancing offered at Spinnaker’s later. My wife pounced on the news and as we made our way to that location we spotted a pod of whales sounding just off the ship in the setting sun. It was fairly magical after our earlier dolphin experience. The dancing was kind of subdued; the most entertaining aspect was very drunk blonde lady holding court across the way. We ended the night with a late dinner in a specialty restaurant where I had one of the best steaks I’ve ever eaten.

Day 8 – Boston Bound

Our Cabin

I awoke to the lights of the South Shore outside my balcony as we eased into Boston harbor. After reading the shocking bill of our on board excesses which was thoughtfully deposited overnight we completed packing and had our last ship board meal. While we greatly enjoyed the trip my wife and I were more than ready to abandon hive living and return to reality since we had a more than healthy amount of that awaiting us. It was bittersweet having to say goodbye to the rest of our travelling party but this truly was a vacation I’ll remember for the rest of my life and I have the favorite son and ABFA to thank for that. I think we’ll cruise again.

Shutter Island

Hello Boston