Soxfather - One in a Million

As I’ve reflected on the supreme unfairness of this situation, I’m caught by the statistic that Soxfather died from a malady that effects only one in a million people. I know there are people who will agree with me that Soxfather was certainly more than one in a million. That would include anyone that ever met him. I met Soxfather more than 40 years ago in 1979 as I walked out of Logan after a flight back from Germany. He was dating Great Aunt at the time and we immediately bonded. I found the brother I’d been looking for after growing up with three sisters.

Soxfather’s life can be defined by several aspects. Sports in certainly one of those. He was a huge fan, especially of his beloved Red Sox, of all the New England sports teams. He had an amazing sports mind. You could tell him any date over the past fifty years and he would immediately tell you who the Red Sox had played and what the result of the game was. Amazing. He followed his passion into the work force covering high school sports for his local paper before catching on with the Providence Journal. He rose through the ranks to eventually become the editor for the sports section and developed a well-earned reputation for journalistic excellence and integrity. A whole generation of New England sports writers were groomed under his watch. What most people never realized was Soxfather was a supremely gifted writer where his passion and intellect poured onto the page and made for riveting prose. I encouraged him to write a book and that is another of the many things we’ve lost with his passing.

He knew newspaper journalism was a “dying industry” – his words, with the advent of the internet. He was one of the first to see this and transitioned to and helped launch the first online version of the Journal before returning to print as the editor. This experience set him up for his final role as an editor for the New England Sports Networks’ website. For many years he commuted daily all the way to Burlington for this work, an amazing challenge for a Rhode Islander, many of whom would consider this an overnight trip. Even more amazing was the way he did this. Much to the frustration of his son, Soxfather discovered he enjoyed driving in strict accordance with speed limits, unheard of for most New Englanders. James, you’re going to have to forgive him for that. Maybe Soxfather’s greatest contribution to the sports industry was converting Great Aunt into a fan, something I never thought possible. He started slowly but eventually convinced her there’s more to baseball than admiring the right fielder’s backside. For the past few years Great Aunt could be counted upon to know exactly what the Red Sox were up to and had spirited debates with Soxfather about their fantasy football team. Unbelievable. We learned we weren’t the only ones who treasured Soxfather’s sports acumen as he was inducted into the Cranston Hall of Fame.

Due to soulless corporate bean counters, Soxfather retired early but it was something he truly embraced. Great Aunt paid a price though as he got around to organizing the kitchen, including the Mount Everest of that effort – the perpetually overstocked refrigerator. The retirement also provided him to fully embrace another aspect of his life – family. Soxfather loved his family with a bone deep passion that was apparent in everything he ever did. It’s a tribute to the upbringing he received from Peter and Louise. As Great Aunt and James have wandered the desolate paths of grief over the past few weeks, they’ve been sustained by the fabulous Martone family. That was no surprise as, over the years, Soxfather would take time to visit elderly widowed aunts and uncles, because he valued them. I’ve treasured the time and people Soxfather brought into my life, especially Linda, Vinny, David and Cheryl who adopted me as an honorary Martone. My Favorite Panamanian is equally devastated by Soxfather’s departure. As we reminisced this past week, she had clear memories of her first trip to the United States. She spoke no English and was terrified of meeting my family for the first time. Soxfather took the lead and typically made a concerted effort to make her feel welcome despite the language barrier. That’s who he was. Soxfather came to fatherhood a little late in life but a whole generation of nieces and nephews looked upon him as a second father growing up. Jessica, Travis, Sara, Peter, Katie, Jonathan, Mandy, Sammi, and Michael – I know how much you’re hurting but you were so lucky to have had this amazing man in your life. Please make sure your children, in the fullness of time, truly understand how special Soxfather was.

Soxfather discovered a deep abiding faith when he came to the episcopal church. He loved his home parish and became one of the most important parishioners in the church, trusted with every aspect of church life. He embraced his faith but never proselytized even though his sister called his church a “cult”. I think he loved being able to connect to more people because Soxfather was all about human connection. He was a dedicated liberal which should have brought him into conflict with me over the years but it didn’t. He cared about people and that included the ones he might disagree with politically.

He had an innate ability to reach out and connect with children. I know my own children cherished their time with him during the three years we lived down the street where silly games were pursued by both Soxfather and the children with equal ferocity. The Golden Restaurant and the highly controversial Philosophus entered family lore forever during this time. He picked up this effort again with the arrival of a new generation as the nieces and nephews started producing children of their own. We had to impose a three knock knock joke limit between him and my granddaughter, otherwise they would have gone on forever, much to Soxfather’s delight. He passed on his love of sports to that collection of nieces and nephews, often being the one to shepherd them to their first Red Sox, Bruins, or Patriots’ game.

Soxfather’s ability to reach out and connect with people wasn’t limited to family members. He was one of those rare people that everyone gravitated towards. I know all of my friends and family are equally devastated by his passing even though they only had a fraction of the time with him that we did. Great Aunt mentioned the nurses and other medical personnel that administered Soxfather’s final time on earth uniformly loved him. He was that kind of guy.

As I said, fatherhood came to Soxfather late but he fully embraced it. The fine young man James is testifies to the time, effort, patience, and most of all love Soxfather poured into the role of father. Soxfather was a pillar in life for James to rely upon. Soxfather would proudly and excitedly recount recently whenever he got the opportunity to have one of their breakfast dates together. Soxfather always believed in James and he passed on the love of family that defines the Martone clan. The time together was way too short, but James, you had the best dad ever and I know you’ll spend the rest of your life earning the love and respect Soxfather willingly bestowed upon you.

Finally, we come to the love of Soxfather’s life which most defined him, my sister, his wife, Great Aunt. It’s not hard loving Great Aunt but Soxfather was so good at it. In these final few weeks, when she knew Soxfather wasn’t going to get better Great Aunt didn’t bemoan losing a husband, she mourned losing her best friend. Their love was a fixture in both the Martone and my family since they started dating. It is family lore that I had such a good time basking in the love at their wedding that I proposed to the first girl I dated afterwards. Thank God it was my Favorite Panamanian. Great Aunt related that Soxfather was so apologetic after he was informed of his diagnosis. Think about that. He’s handed a death sentence and his first thought were not about his mortality but about the love of his life. He apologized to Great Aunt saying he had planned on spending a quarter more of his life with her. Great Aunt, I know you’ve heard all the words over the past few days but you know in your heart of hearts that you were truly loved by this very special man. That speaks volumes about both of you.

I’m still trying to come to terms with life without Soxfather inhabiting it. I know this disease took from him, in his final days, the piercing intellect that defined him in so many ways. In time I know I’ll remember the good times and imagine him waiting for us at McShawn’s, or in his right field seats at Fenway, or, better, presiding at the head of the dining room table overstuffed with food, desserts, drinks and most importantly family. Soxfather had a generosity of spirit I’ve never experienced from anyone else and was the kind of man that gives me faith in mankind in these very divisive times. One in a million, just not enough, but so, so much more.