Exhaling

I wasn’t sure I was going to return to Frail Deeds. The events over the past couple weeks have sapped whatever element of joy life is supposed to supply. Soxfather’s departure hit me harder than I could have predicted and it was something I would never have ventured to envisage in the first place. You learn a lot about yourself during times like this and as I try to move beyond this very deep emotional valley I find myself residing in, I was lured back to writing because (and this really surprised me) I seem to derive a great deal of pleasure from writing. I’m not the only one that would be surprised by this discovery. There are a couple English teachers from my high school days that would probably need oxygen if they learned about it. So, I guess you’re stuck with me for a while longer. My apologies.

Great Aunt and I at Reception

The past couple days have been a blur. Friday night had the calling hours for Soxfather and Saturday morning was the funeral. While those two events were not designed to be enjoyable, they brought home the context that we weren’t the only ones who truly appreciated who Soxfather was. It did me, and I’m sure Great Aunt, some good to see just how beloved he was, not only within the family, but with basically anyone who’s life he touched. I was positioned near Great Aunt as she greeted mourners and I swear 40 different people told her that Soxfather was their best friend. Think about that and you can gauge what a special guy he was.  We had to start the receiving line a half hour early because there was already a line stretching out the door which wasn’t that close to the room to begin with.

Soxfather with Appropriate Red Sox and Beatles Memories

Photo Collages at Calling Hours

I was so proud of my sister, nephew, and Soxfather’s brother and sister who managed to be supremely gracious to everyone who came through the line over the ensuing four and a half hours. The only tense moments were when literally every former girlfriend of Namesake Nephew showed up, many at the same time. I think he was sweating a little bit. The funniest moment was when Soxfather’s sister accidently used her maiden name when introducing herself. The person she was speaking to then assumed he was speaking to Soxfather’s mother and commiserated with her on how tough it was to lose a son. We spent the rest of the night complimenting her how well she looked for her ninety years.

Snuck up to Keene For Lunch with Keene Friend

Saturday morning brought the final event, the funeral. At Namesake Nephew’s insistence we had a procession to the church from the funeral home. I rode in the limo with my sister and nephew with a police escort which was kind of cool. One of the few times I’ve ever actually enjoyed driving in Rhode Island – the other drivers were so polite (unheard of in RI). I’m sure the police escort had something to do with that. Walking into the church was lot tougher than I expected. I was buoyed by seeing some of the faces leaping out at me, my Favorite Son, as well as Keene Friends 1 and 2. My younger sister and her two kids were there as well, although I noticed them later in the service as I started glancing around. Having people you care deeply about at times like that is so important. Presence has a quality. Soxfather deeply loved his small church and a former priest came back to deliver the eulogy which was pitch perfect, liberally laced with Red Sox references. It was obvious he knew and treasured Soxfather.

FBR and Remy with Great Aunt

After the service we went down into the basement of the church for a reception. Soxfather had been a true pillar of the church and the parishioners had organized a reception there. It was yet another testament to this amazing man because apparently the entire congregation volunteered to bring food. In a very funny moment, a very loud Hispanic woman pronounced that we couldn’t start serving food until a blessing was made. We were in a church so it wasn’t weird but I started laughing when my sister informed me the loud Hispanic woman was Panamanian. I laughed because the first thought that came to mind when I heard the woman proclaim herself was that this was something my Favorite Panamanian would do. I was able to speak at length with the two Keene Friends which made the day settle a lot easier. I was so impressed they made the journey south for the service, especially Keene Friend 2, who buried his own mother a couple days earlier.

Best Medicine

Digital Puzzles

After the reception my Favorite Son drove me back to pick up my car at the funeral home. It took a lot longer because, well, no police escort and the RI drivers returned to their native tendencies. We then gathered at Great Aunt’s house to await the arrival of Wingman and the FBR. The FBR’s first ever swim lesson had taken place that morning and they started driving up as soon as it was over. Namesake Nephew showed up with a gaggle of his friends as well as a case of beer and the discussion as on. We laughed for a solid three hours with these fine people. Wingman and the FBR arrived and the FBR was soon in Great Aunt’s lap solving digital puzzles. I know it’s impossible to see healing taking place visibly but I swear I could. Great Aunt later admitted seeing Wingman and the FBR had been truly medicinal. I knew exactly what she meant.

She Helped her Grandpa Too

I’m writing this from New Jersey as I get ready to board a flight back to my Favorite Panamanian. It has been killing her not to be here over the past week to offer her support for Great Aunt and the rest of us. She’s so good at that. My daughter’s family spent Saturday night at my house which meant a grandpa blanket ride upstairs at bedtime for the FBR. My back was literally screaming at me after spending way too much time on my feet over the prior two days. What is it about dress shoes and extensive standing? I’m willing to admit my age bracket may have something to do with the pain. The FBR, however, got her blanket ride upstairs despite the objections of her parents. The FBR knows I can deny her nothing. Medicinal, indeed.

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RECURRING CHARACTERS                                           

BR3 – Blog Reader #3 – granddaughter #3, BRS - Blog Reader the Sequel - second granddaughter; FBR - First Blog Reader - first granddaughter, ABFA – Amazing Best Family Athlete = my daughter in law; Wingman – my son in law; Wingmom – Wingman’s mom, of course; Keene Friends 1 & 2 – friends since high school from my home town of Keene, NH; Soxfather - my brother in law; Great Aunt - my elder sister; Cantankerous Friend – friend since grade school who likes to argue about everything, poses as radical leftist to attract women; Kindergarten Friend – friend since kindergarten whom I reunited with after many years; Pittsburgh College Roommate– high school friend, also a “Minor Celebrity” in Pittsburgh; Deckzilla – our backyard deck which grew to monstrous dimensions once my wife got involved in planning; Maine and Virginia Musqueteras – two close friends of my wife – her US sisters, my wife is the 3^rd musquetera (musketeer); Riggins - also known as the Grandpuppy, son's dog; PanaGals – female relatives /friends of my wife from Panama; Panamanian/Latin Mafia – inevitable group of Latino friends my wife accumulates wherever we have lived & their spouses; Neighborhood Mafioso - wife's close friend and Panamanian mafia member, Favorite Panamanian - the wife (of course); First Friday – celebrations to mark the First Friday of the Week; Curbside Girls – close friends of my daughter acquired during her single days in Brooklyn