Hilarious Missing Person Alert

That misplaced person was none other than myself, this morning. We’ll get to the hilarious part which I think only my kids, knowing their mother, will truly appreciate. One of my goals in retirement is seven hours of sleep a night. Now that I have an apple watch I can actually track that. That becomes problematic because I also love to stay up late to watch movies (see A-Z below). I aim to hit the sack around 1230am each night. The problematic part emerges with the person I share the bed with. My Favorite Panamanian loves/needs to go to church during the week (I am not so afflicted).

Deckzilla's Wisteria is in Full Bloom

As Intended, Bringing back Memories of Ft McNair Home

That wouldn’t normally be a problem except that the weekday service starts at 8am. Anybody who’s ever dated/married a Panamanian lady knows that means at least an hour and a half prep time before emerging from the bedroom/bathroom. We have a geographic problem in our bedroom in that the bathroom is on one side of the bed and the changing room, you guessed it, is on the other. My time in the Army robbed me from sleeping in and also bequeathed a very light sleeping mode upon me. That means when my Favorite Panamanian gets up and starts puttering around, I’m awake.

Caught a Chipmunk Licking the Deck Furniture This Morning

What's That All About?

I know. I know. I’m getting to the point. While she tries to be quiet, it is not really her strong suit (kids nodding sagely). She claims to feel bad about waking me up and suggested I sleep in the old master bedroom on the nights before she has these early morning forays. I’m too used to having a partner beside me so I vetoed that idea. This morning however, when she began her crack of dawn ministrations, I got up and went down the hall to that old master bedroom and promptly fell blissfully asleep. I was awoken a full hour later as my wife’s clogs shattered the morning calm moving rapidly throughout the house, up and down the stairs. She then started calling out my name, obviously very concerned.

She rushed into the room when I answered and told me to feel her heartbeat which was racing. When she found our bed empty, she assumed I had gotten up and headed to the Man Cave, which, in all honesty, is my “go to” move. She searched that twice and both the front and back yards and after confirming both cars were still in the garage, thought I’d had some sort of psychological breakdown and had wandered out of the house. I’m not sure why that was what first theory that leaped into her mind but she does have a dramatic flair. I was laughing too hard to feel really sorry for her. She denies being a control freak (kids nodding again) but it was instructive to see how my “disappearance” was treated. Oh, and I made my seven hours, by two whole minutes. Okay, maybe it wasn’t as funny as I thought, you kind of had to be there, which would have been weird.

Before this morning's adventure I surprised the wife with a last-minute date on Tuesday afternoon. We saw About Your Father, with Robert DeNiro once again playing a crotchety father figure with some redeeming qualities. This was okay but it was obvious the guy playing the son, Sebastian Maniscalco, a standup comic by trade, was out of his league within this cast. This was his story though so it would have been hard to keep him out, but it would have been a better picture with a real actor in that role. The movie does have some heart and a "family is everything" message which is in my wheelhouse. I wish they didn’t try to sneak in some way too obvious gags instead of staying with the story which had everything they needed. Okay but not worth recommending.

Three movies fell in my A-Z watch, all keepers, Dodgeball, A True Underdog Story - jarring to watch after Doctor Zhivago, still strangely funny; Dogma – much funnier than I recalled, and Do Not Disturb – nostalgic Doris Day/Rod Taylor farce.

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RECURRING CHARACTERS:                                     

ABFA – Amazing Best Family Athlete - my daughter in law; BR3 – Blog Reader #3 – granddaughter #3; BRS - Blog Reader the Sequel - second granddaughter; Cantankerous Friend – friend since grade school who likes to argue about everything, poses as radical leftist to attract women; CRC - Connecticut Riverboat Captain – another close friend from high school, renowned sailor of the big river; Curbside Girls – close friends of my daughter acquired during him her single days in Brooklyn; Deckzilla – our backyard deck which grew to monstrous dimensions once my wife got involved in planning; Favorite Panamanian - the wife (of course); FBR - First Blog Reader - first granddaughter; First Friday – celebrations to mark the First Friday of the Week; Great Aunt - my elder sister; Keene Friends 1 & 2 – friends since high school from my home town of Keene, NH; Kindergarten Friend – friend since kindergarten whom I reunited with after many years; Maine and Virginia Musqueteras – two close friends of my wife – her US sisters, my wife is the 3^rd Musquetera (musketeer); Namesake Nephew – son of Great Aunt and Soxfather named after me; Neighborhood Mafioso - wife's close friend and Panamanian mafia member; PanaGals – female relatives /friends of my wife from Panama; Panamanian/Latin Mafia – inevitable group of Latino friends my wife accumulates wherever we have lived & their spouses; PCR - Pittsburgh College Roommate– high school friend, also a “Minor Celebrity” in Pittsburgh; PCR+1 - Pittsburgh College Roommate’s wife; Riggins - also known as the Grandpuppy, son's dog; Soxfather - my brother in law; Tia Loca – wife’s younger sister; Wingman – my son in law; Wingmom – Wingman’s mom, of course