The Secret Life of Burger Wars

It’s funny how the daily rhythms of life get defined over time, especially in a long marriage where each partner kind of carves out a sphere of responsibility for daily requirements.  That came back to bite me squarely in the posterior yesterday in an episode I’m going to call burger wars.

One of my wife’s chosen areas of responsibility in ensuring I go to work each day with a great lunch.  Yesterday was the first day I was responsible for doing that for myself since her prepositioned lunches ran out, so of course I forgot.  I had an early morning board meeting so I couldn’t take the time to do anything in the morning.

My Wife in Panama With Panama City in Background

I did have a later meeting near enough to home that I could sneak over there, prepare a couple burgers, and then head back to work.  This brought the added benefit of getting the Wonder Pooch out for some relief midday that would allow me to see a movie matinee on my way home from work (I sometimes over think these things).

I keep a ready supply of frozen hamburgers in the freezer and defrosted them enough to start cooking them with Buddy’s rapt attention.  I then was distracted by the cursed mini-puzzle I’ve been working on, off and on.  I noticed that in the daylight I could actually see what was on the miniature pieces and started making some real progress.  I forgot about the cursed part which had devised a diabolical little trap for me.

My Wife With a Collection of Cousins on the Causeway (where a Young Lieutenant Used to Hang Out in 1981)

I checked on the burgers a couple times and they seemed to making leisurely progress so I turned the heat up a little.  I then got on a hot streak with the puzzle and didn’t look up again until I heard a strange sound coming from the kitchen where the burgers were on a hot streak of their own.  I glanced over to see a solid pillar of smoke streaming from the burger pan.

As I raced over to prevent a full blown conflagration I was wondering why the smoke alarms weren’t going off.  When I reached the pan, they did, all of them, throughout the house.  This set the Wonder Pooch off who started barking incessantly at the various alarms.  

The Damaged Pan (After Soaking for Six Hours)

So there I was standing in a dense fog of smoke, pungent with burnt dead animal flesh, a crazed K-9, and a deafening screech of at least 7 different smoke alarms.  I took a moment to be a little impressed with myself.  I figured the pan was a total loss but I considered the burgers still in play, to Buddy’s consternation.  I opened virtually every window in the house which after ten minutes cleared the smoke enough I could see from one room to the next and half the alarms shut off. 

On the Banks of the Panama Canal

I then had to decide whether the plummeting temperatures in the house presented a danger to my wife’s forest of tropical house plants (the highest priority item on her fairly lengthy list of concerns of leaving me alone).  Eventually a semblance of order was restored and I was able to scratch off enough carbon to eat the burgers, probably not the smartest course of action but I was hungry, Buddy was again, less than pleased as he already figured they were headed his way.  At least I’ve got a couple months for the smell to dissipate before the wife returns; pray for me (scented candles are in my immediate future).

I Did At Least Finish the Cursed Puzzle

This lunch adventure did allow me to see a movie I was really looking forward to on my way home, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.  The best that can be said of this is repeating the wise words of my daughter, Ben Stiller is no Danny Kaye.  The movie was startlingly beautiful in the location shots.  I really liked the vast views offered of off the beaten places like Greenland, Iceland, and the Himalayas.  Those parts were so well done that it was almost like visiting them.

The problem for the movie was the story, which was too small for the vast canvas upon which it was drawn.  The plot was predictable to the point of being insultingly simple (especially the final reveal) and constructed just enough to hang the amazing scenes of Walter’s travels upon.  Those scenes though, were devastatingly beautiful and worth the price of the ticket.  It’s always tough to remake a classic and this movie is eminently watchable but I guess I was expecting too much from it.

More of my Wife's Exceedingly Cool Family - Including the PanaGals

I returned home to my burnt burger smelling home and found the wife had surfaced from her two days of arrival celebrations.  We had a really nice talk and she sent me some pictures of her adventures to date.  It was really cool seeing her surrounded by her immensely cool family (including the infamous but dazzling PanaGals from last January’s posts) and obviously not missing life in the polar vortex.  From the pictures I’m guessing it’s a little warmer down there.  I’ll be down there in a little over a week – count me psyched!

Today's Fashion Explosion

Finally in one of those other rhythms of life, she did quiz me on my fashion choices in her absence (she is consistent).  Apparently I received passing grades for the first couple sartorial endeavors.  Today’s a little easier since it’s a dress down Friday.  THAT’S RIGHT – IT’S FRIDAY!!!!!  Oh – and I was able to save the burger pan – further adventures – await!

Saved! (On a Number of Levels)