Descent into Maelstrom

Yesterday dawned entirely too early after the festivity filled Friday night at Spofford Lake. I woke up at my customary early hour despite the need for an additional eight or nine hours of sleep. I thought I was the earliest one up but when I stumbled downstairs I found the very spry Keene Friend helping the hostess prepare a huge breakfast for the rest of the slumbering casualties. I mumbled some good mornings before getting behind the wheel to drive into Keene to administer to the Wonder pooch. He was still a little miffed at spending the night alone but seemed none the worse for wear. He took me on an aggressive walk and tried to instruct me on the finer points of dog walking in Keene.

Last View from Cottage

By the time I returned to Spofford everyone was upright and in various stages of consciousness. The Keene Friend was up to one of his signature tricks and had convinced my wife I must have stopped in Keene to write on the blog and had been gone for a really long time (travel included I was gone less than an hour). Luckily my wife knows the Keene Friend too well and his attempts to get me in trouble failed miserably.

My Wife With Keene Friend and the Pittsburgian

It was a gray, cool and semi-miserable day outside – kind of mirroring the prospects of having to say goodbye to the Pittsburgians and the end of their memorable return to Spofford. If nothing else the past week firmed up everyone’s belief they should live much closer. Unfortunately I don’t think my college roommate is ready to sacrifice his celebrity status in the Pittsburgh area which saves him from innumerable speeding tickets (of the Friday night conversations are to be believed).

From Earlier Times - Keene Friend (center) and Pittsburgian on the Right

After loading up the respective cars we said good bye to the Pittsburgians and returned to Keene Friend’s house. My wife had been promised a return to her good friend TJ Maxx which was restricted earlier in the week. Keene Friend and I passed on joining her and took up station for a thorough inspection of the underside of our eyelids. He had to leave to celebrate the birthday of Keene Friend 2’s son in Vermont. I had planned on going with him but didn’t feel good leaving my wife alone for the entire afternoon while she was still allegedly recovering from her medical adventures.

Apparently those adventures did not have a deleterious effect on her ability to shop. After 1PM and still no sign of her I finally reached out to find out if there was an end in sight. I should have kept my mouth shut. An hour later she did re-appear and we went out for a long delayed lunch. The waitress was nice but I kept staring at her and could not place the face. My wife finally relieved the mystery but noting she was a doppelganger for the wife of a cousin. Most of dinner was spent negotiating the rest of the afternoon. We agreed we would only stop at two stores to pick up some agreed upon items. I do not tread lightly into my wife’s realm of shopping and foolishly thought I was safe.

Thus began my descent into the maelstrom of my wife’s shopping acumen. As we walked out of the restraint she noted a nearby pet store where she suggested I go to pick up an item for Buddy (additional store #1). She said she would wait in the car but shortly after entering the store she appeared at my side to tell me she was going to sneak over to TJ Maxx where she had just spent he entire morning (additional store #2). I then informed her that she had blithely walked by and nearly brushed up against a guy holding a couple boa constrictors. She hates snakes almost as much as I hate shopping. She took the scenic way to leave the store –putting several aisles between her and the snakes.

She was good to her word and miraculously left TJ Maxx after buying the one item (remember this day for historical significance of that act). We then went to the scheduled store where we promptly found all we were looking for and left. I was feeling fairly froggy as we were only mildly off schedule. Then we arrived at the Monadnock Shopping Center. This place was created long after I moved out of Keene and whenever I go in I always think my mother would have loved having all these stores but she never lived to see it completed; my wife more than makes up for her absence. We were headed for the final store and the end of my pain when I looked up to see my wife seriously contemplating the other opportunities the shopping plaza offered.

She did not find what she was looking for in the final store but opined that we were “fortunate” that there were other stores close by where we might find the missing item. This led to additional stores #3-6 as my worst nightmare was fully realized. My sanity was barely intact by the end of the sojourn in my wife’s world of shopping. We returned to Keene’s Friend’s House to retrieve Buddy and head home, some four hours later than planned.

The Source of my Discontent

We had planned on returning to Zorba’s last night but the afternoon had sucked the remnants of whatever energy Friday night had failed to consume. We settled for a local place while my wife decided she was going to have to return the final item we bought in additional store #6 because the color was just “not right” with the other items in the room. She seemed genuinely pleased that the quest would continue. I do not understand shopping.