Defacatapocalypse II

Those of you with a weak constitution should stop reading now.  I was reinstructed this morning on the joys of pet ownership.  Buddy the Wonder Pooch wanted to take the edge of my excitement for the First Friday of the Week.  As I headed downstairs this morning for our normal morning rituals I was greeted with a tell-tale, overpowering odor.

For the second time the storm stress drugs apparently nuked Buddy’s digestive system which resulted in a case of explosive, well let’s call it “number 2”.  Unlike his earlier effort he was unsuccessful in getting this donation outside the cage.  This was not the scene I was prepared for on a glorious summer morning.  If the neighbors glanced out their window they would have seen me dragging the kennel with Buddy still inside out onto the driveway, nattily attired in my overnight lounge pants and slippers.

I Could Have Used One of These Suits This Morning

I felt really bad for Buddy, who looked incredibly contrite, as I first hosed him down and then took apart the kennel so I could thoroughly clean that up.  Buddy took off to continue his donations at various locations across the lawn.  After the cage was fully sanitized and reassembled, Buddy got a complete bath.  After mopping the basement floor twice I thought I had fully mitigated the hazardous waste spill.  Buddy and I were admiring our handiwork when he leaned over a vomited a huge deposit right where I had just finished mopping (my sympathetic feelings towards my canine companion took a serious nose dive at that point).  After “we” got that spill taken care of I thanked Buddy for demonstrating effluents from each of his corporeal orifices and went upstairs for breakfast.  For some unknown reason my appetite was not up to its normal robust standards.

I wrote earlier that I was drawn in (kicking and screaming) to my wife’s shopping activities this past weekend when I assisted her with some Amazon based shoe shopping.  The shoes arrived and she loved them but felt they were a little too small.  My wife takes an almost perverse pleasure in returning items she doesn’t like while I have a contradictory pain in doing so.  Since this was Amazon I had to do it and I was pleased with how easy they make it.  The shoes were returned and yesterday the replacement ones (that fit) arrived.  Thank God for Wing Man’s adding us to his Prime account which provides free two day shipping.

What She Thought She Was Buying

What They Gave Her
Momentarily Happy Before She Realized the Mistake

My wife’s returning activities are not concluded for the week though.  She was all abuzz yesterday when I got home with her purchase of a new cleaning device.  Another friend put her on the trail of a cleaning/sanitizing floor cleaner that works on both hard wood floors and carpets.  I was charged with assembling her new acquisition while she prepared to put it to immediate use.  When I finished my task it was obvious she didn’t have the machine she thought she did, since this one only worked on hard wood floors.  She said a salesman had assisted her and when she pointed out what machine she wanted, he returned from the stock room with what he said was the right machine.  I probably don’t have to tell you this all happened at Sears; at least they’re consistent.  She goes to do battle with them today.

Despite all of this, I am psyched to declare this is still the First Friday of the Week. I think I really am going to need a couple beers tonight!