Seaside Hangover Construction Activities

Best Part of the Day - Hanging Out With This Guy

Yesterday was supposed to be epic; it was supposed to be a day that would go down in history; it was supposed to be a day of legendary prowess.  It was more; much more than that.  Feats of legerdemain were common as my son, son in law, and I along, with my son’s merry band of groomsmen, cut a wide swath through the drinking establishments of Portsmouth, New Hampshire.

And This Guy!

The reason we gathered was ostensibly to get fitted for tuxedos for the upcoming marital ceremony my son as signed up for.  That excuse was quickly handled early in the afternoon although the habitually late friend did live up to his apparently well-earned reputation for tardiness.  Once that minor inconvenience was completed with some ominously high water pants, we prepositioned autos in anticipation of the day’s main activities – beer consumption.

Son In Law Being Fitted

My Son and His Highwater Tux

The Gang Preparing to Head out on the Crawl

I’ll chronicle the day through the ten bars we patronized, as well as I can remember.  We started at the British Beer Company for lunch and the first of the treasure trove of brewing arts.  We were attended by a slightly older waitress who hailed from Brooklyn and even carded me (this caused me to wonder how many beers she had snuck in). These suspicions were confirmed when she finally delivered our beer order which led to a spirited game of beer chess as the different beers were switched until the rightful owner had his ordered beverage.  I commenced operations with a Monty Python Grail Ale, my first t-shirt (Red Sox lettering!) and the day was off to a rollicking start.

Son in Law, Son and his Best Man Outside the British Beer Company

We moved across the street to the Coat of Arms which is an upstairs (lot of that in Portsmouth) English type pub.  They also had t-shirts including one with a list of English town names with ribald second meanings – I had to have that of course.  The bar was pretty deserted except for our group and we were joined by one of my son’s co-workers who was part of the group for the rest of the crawl.

The Group Entering the Coat of Arms

We were then back across the street into a garage where some enterprising micro-brewers had set up shop as the Earth Eagle Pub.  This is one of the places only locals seem to know about and one of our party was regular enough to have his own “chalice” to imbibe with.  We were suitably impressed.  Despite the humble surroundings this was one of my favorite stops, not to mention some perfectly installed shelves placed so patrons could lean while sampling the outstanding wares.  It’s the little things that count.

The Earth Eagle Pub/Garage

Earth Eagle Rest Room - I Thought That Was the Whole Point

Our next stop was the most picturesque stop on the crawl.  A series of restaurants have open air seating where the Piscataqua River flows into the Atlantic Ocean.  This area is called “The Decks” by locals and were thronged with people enjoying the first great weather day of the season. We lucked into a table at the River House and were reluctant to leave this idyllic site when my son rang the thirty minute alarm to signal it was time to move on (he was annoyingly precise throughout the day with this despite an increasing amount of alcohol in his system).

The Crew at the River House Deck - Looking Across to Maine

Abandoning the river and we moved across the street to Fat Belly’s and once again into an upstairs bar.  This place was pretty dead except for two events (outside of our presence, to be sure).  The first was a bar long strip of ice upon which to rest our beers which I thought was an admirable use of technology.  The second event was the bar tendress, who at the end of the day was judged (in a landslide vote) as the most comely we ran across for the entire day.  I just can’t get those shorts out of my mind (not that I’m trying too hard).  This was also the first bar we failed to score a t-shirt at.

The Extremely "Cool" Ice Bar at Fat Belly's

Leaving Fat Belly's

We launched across the street to another outside bar at the Portsmouth Gas Light Deck.  While the view was not as good as the River House (or Fat Belly’s)  we were drinking beer just a few steps from where my son first met the MEF.  We treated this historical location with proper amount of reverent respect although the effects of the previous couple hours were starting to manifest themselves.

The Historic Gas Light Pub

Up the street we ended up in an underground bar for the first time at the Portsmouth Brewery.  We missed the sunlight but were soon doing battle on the shuffleboard table where my son’s tardy friend revealed himself to be something of a ringer having won a city championship at the very same table.  It brought back some memories watching my son play because the last time I ever spent with my father before his death more than thirty years ago was in a bar where we played the same game together.  I left with a t-shirt sporting a large black cat which I’m sure will generate some ire from Buddy.

Portsmouth Brewery Shuffleboard - Son and Tardy Friend

Once the thirty minute buzzer went off we journeyed to another English type pub called The Press Room which was semi-deserted with no t-shirts but boasted an excellent darts board.  My son was soon battling there with a couple of the MEF’s co-workers that we absorbed into our entourage for the rest of the night. It was at this bar as the sun was starting to set that time seemed to enter some kind of flux because the rest of the evening kind of sped by as it is wont to do when enjoyment peaks as much as it was.  We briefly lost contact with my son in law and I was dispatched to find him.  He’d gone in search of an ATM and coffee.

The Press Room

Our next stop was the only real downer of all the pubs we hit yesterday.  It was an Irish bar called Ri Ra and was more than a little pretentious which is never a good thing in a pub.  It was located right in the middle of Portsmouth and the wait staff were not interested in abandoning their own conversations long enough to wait on customers.  On the up side there were numerous TVs including a monster sized one in the middle of the bar which had the Red Sox pummeling the Tampa Bay Rays.  We had the temerity to cheer when the Sox hit a homer and that must have further interrupted the bar tenders’ personal conversations because the most pretentious of the bunch came over and asked us to tone it down.  I’m guessing these must be transplanted New Yorkers to have issue with anybody cheering the Red Sox in a bar in the heart of Red Sox Nation, especially given that it happened on a 90 inch TV right over her shoulder.

The Ri Ra - Avoid this Place - It's Staffed with Some Real Posers

We reached the finish line at the next bar – The Thirsty Moose, where we consigned ourselves to the basement just as a really bad band started playing.  They were historically un-talented but the surrounding crowd was a lot of fun and to say we were feeling no pain would have been a gross understatement.  My son’s itinerary had failed to include an evening meal and as the crowd finally broke up around 10:30pm we raided a local pizza parlor before our fifteen minute walk back to my son’s apartment. 


The walk back was not without drama. My son led off at a quick pace which had more to do with a lack of coat on a fairly cool night.  My son in law and I brought up the rear and none of us were walking in strictly straight lines at this point.  We rounded the last corner onto my son’s street when I decided to demonstrate the proper technique at assuming the prone firing position when under fire.  I overestimated my agility at trying to dodge a parked car that suddenly jumped out at me.  While I avoided the car I was soon well acquainted with the surface of my son’s street.  My son and son in law came charging back since the darkness had thankfully shielded my fall from view.  I was already back on my feet, more embarrassed than hurt.

Son and I in the Thirsty Moose

My Son Emoting at Reaching the Finish Line

My Son Outside the Thirsty Moose

There was hardly any ceremony when we reached the apartment and administered each of our own hangover prevention cures before falling into a well-earned, extremely deep sleep.  It was such a great day.  My son in law and I thought we might feel like the outsiders amongst this group of my son and his closest friends but they could not have been more welcoming, even for an old fart like me.  It does a parent well to see one of his kid’s obvious talent for choosing fine people as friends.

The T-Shirt Haul

Aftermath - My Son this Morning

This morning came incredibly early, especially for my son.  My son in law and I bounced up fairly well and had to bid farewell to my beleaguered son who did not feel up to joining us for breakfast.  I was so reluctant to leave but I knew we had wrung all the fun possible out of the prior day and he needed some serious recovery time.

Daughter and Wife Shopping Yesterday

As I kept my wife and daughter advised of our progress throughout the day they reciprocated.  They had a shopping afternoon together which I wasn’t upset in the least I got to miss out on.  Buddy apparently missed me a lot as the ladies were not as entertaining or understanding of his capacity for faux pas.  They were doing their nails at the kitchen table when he bounded up and placed his paws on the table expecting a manicure – it was that kind of day.  

Buddy Volunteering to Get His Nails Done Last Night