Remote Navigation

One of the big differences between my wife and I is the ability to navigate.  I can and she can’t.  She’ll even admit to it (rare that) and she has zero (justifiably) confidence in her navigational talent.  This is something she shares with my older sister, something that epic wanderer would never admit to.

Given this dearth of aptitude I was a little nervous as I sent my wife and her Maine friend on the road yesterday to Virginia.  I wrote out very specific directions and even sat both of them down at the computer and walked them turn by turn through the trip, showing maps, photos, and even street views (love Google maps) of their itinerary.

I was assigned to the Washington, DC area for over ten years during my military career and so I spent a lot of time traveling between Northern Virginia and New England.  I grew to hate the drive up I-95, the most direct route.  It seemed no matter what time of day I traveled I invariably ran into mind numbing traffic.  Since I usually had the wife and two young children (who did travel remarkably well – probably due to their vast experience at it) with me this was not fun.  As I am wont to do, even in the era before maps became so easy on the internet, I found alternate routings.

I loved visiting the Civil War battlefield of Gettysburg which is an easy drive from the DC area.  I noticed the roads heading north were so much easier, traffic wise, than the I-95 corridor. I found a great ride only about 50 miles longer but infinitely more enjoyable and arguably faster than the I-95 death march.  This was the route I sent my two charges on yesterday.

I received a frantic call from my wife around noon time saying that they missed a turn and needed help.  When I learned what turn they had taken I was a little mystified because this was one of the turns I had made a special effort at “schooling” them on.  All they had to do was follow signs with I-81 on them.  I think their well honed conversational abilities trumped their somewhat vestigial navigational skills.    

This is the Turn They Missed (you can get anything on the Internet)
I Told Them to Follow Signs to I-81 and They Still Went Left!

I got them back on track and received a report later in the day that they were well into Maryland and would be hitting the Capitol Beltway soon.  Since both of them lived in the area for over a decade I assumed they were all set, as they confidently claimed to be.  I went out for a movie and when I got home received several messages that they were lost in Northern Virginia, but eventually found their own way to their destination.  Incredible.

The movie I went to see was Spring Breakers.  I hadn’t planned on seeing this since I though it was just another T&A exploitation flick about Florida spring break.  My daughter (feminista extraordinaire) went to see it (big surprise) and actually enjoyed it (even bigger surprise).

T&A Chick Flick - Who Knew That Was Even  Possible

The gals in this movie totally dominate even if their life choices are somewhat screwy.  James Franco continues his streak of totally unlikable characters but at least in this one I think he was supposed to be.  He plays one of those white guys (we all see them) trying to mimic black gangsta style and only achieving ludicrous idiocy.  I liked the bond of the gals in this but the director goes for so many “style” shots that the pace just comes to a screeching halt.  The last few minutes descend into complete fantasy with the girls packing 800 round magazines on pistols and becoming deadly marksmen, with no training, but hey, it’s the movies.  In the end this really is a chick flick that tries to intrude on male action themes and does a pretty good job of it.

I got home in time to see the end of the Red Sox home opener.  This team continued it’s assault on what I thought was my hardened baseball heart with a thrilling win over their tormentors of the past year – the Baltimore Orioles.  A scoreless tie was broken with a 3-run bomb by the totally likable Daniel Nava (he of the great story of personal perseverance) in the late innings.  I know they’ll come crashing back to earth in semi-spectacular fashion but at least they’ll have fun doing it (as will we).  It’s okay to be a Red Sox fan again and not feel guilty about it because they're no longer such obvious jerks.