Daughter Return

Daughter and Wife on the Deck Last Night

Yesterday I had the distinct pleasure of driving through central Connecticut, one of the least pleasant things in the world, during rush hour.  One of the few things that would motivate me to attempt such a foolish expedition waited for my wife and I in New Haven.  My daughter took the train up from New York City to spend the weekend with us.  There was a short cut that I normally use where two interstate highways come together that always saves us from the worst of the traffic around Hartford.  Apparently the word is out about that shortcut because the roads were absolutely jammed.  After some fairly adventuresome tactics we avoided the worst of the carnage and escaped the madness that is the Connecticut state highway system.  We made the obligatory stop at Zorbas where the giant pepperoni pizza administered its normal medicinal effects and soon Connecticut was a distant memory as I reveled in the company of my two favorite ladies.  We later arrived at home and spent the rest of a fabulous New England summer evening out on the deck.  Buddy was doing his best to entertain us but mostly left us to amuse ourselves.  A phone call to our New Hampshire friend made us realize we would have to modify our planned excursion up there for today.  We will shortly leave for Rhode Island to attend the high school graduation of my sister’s son.  It should be a good day, I’m getting to spend it with some great people.

Presence

Apparently How Some Employees See Me

I had something odd happened to me yesterday.  My wife asked me to pick up something at the supermarket on the way home.  I’ve always taken a weird sense of almost pride in not being lost in a supermarket.  I see guys who obviously don’t have a clue about grocery shopping looking baffled by trying to find something.  I’ve tried to overcome this.  This didn’t happen overnight but through years of careful training at the hands of my wife.  Damn it, she’s done it again – I’ve got to get a copy of that husband training handbook she has!  Anyway after calling her on the cell phone to confirm what she had sent me for I was heading towards the cash register when a guy stopped me and asked me if I worked there.  I immediately tried to put on a withering look of complete disdain but only managed to laugh and issue a quick, “No sorry, I’m just heading out.”  He apologized profusely and said it looked like I was in charge.  This caused me to think back on some things other people had said.  We’re in negotiations and one of the union leaders told me that some of the employees are scared to death of me, even though I’ve never raised me voice there (well almost never).  Another friend was a kid when I was a comp counselor in college and she said that I scared the hell out of the kids back then.  I think it comes down to physical size.  I experienced two growth spurts, one in high school and another one in college.  This led me to usually being the biggest guy in any crowd I was hanging out with.  I never even thought about it and friends who know me laugh at the notion that I could be intimidating.  In part of my mis-spent youth I worked as a bar tender in an English Pub in Frankfurt, Germany.  On my day off I was hanging out with some friends at the bar when the owner, my boss, said he needed help.  Another American, about my size, was drunk and getting belligerent with some of the English dart players, all rather small guys.  He asked me to have a word with him.  Being young and dumb, I went over and grabbed the guy’s arm as he was headed towards his target.  All I said was, “Hey no trouble in here, okay?”  He stopped immediately, apologized, and a couple of his friends escorted him out.  As he reached the door he turned around and acted like his friends were holding him back from trying to return to fight with me.  Everyone in the pub knew at that point he was a fraud, a bully who ran when his target wasn’t so easy.  In my life I’ve spent too much time (or not enough) in bars because I’ve always enjoyed the comradery but I’ve only been in a few bar fights and I think it’s because I look a lot more dangerous than I really am.  Size has a quality all its own and I know it helped in my career as an infantry officer.  The Army I joined in 1978 was completely different than the professional organization it became.  It was beset with drug problems and the Soldiers were a really poor lot.  In my first assignment as a lieutenant I actually had to use my size to back down some of the more energetic non-performers.  Once I had to wrestle a drunken para-trooper to the ground and hold him there until the MPs came.  He started beating his face on the street (honest he really did).  He ended up with a whole face of scabbed over cuts for the next week and I never had a problem with any of my troops in that unit again.   I’m not that big a guy but I’ve been fooling people for years as to my dangerous levels.  One of my daughter’s earliest boyfriends nicknamed me Bonecrusher – so it’s not always a bad thing.   Now if I could only figure out a way to intimidate a certain 110 pound Panamanian.  Now all of my friends are laughing.

Cosmos Back At It

Dogs at the Door

I wrote yesterday that certain things were happening that seemed like elements of the cosmos were trying to lift my spirits following the death of my cousin.  They were back at again yesterday.  Other family members were posting pictures and memories of our cousin on facebook and we all were reminded about some of the special times she participated in.  It really is a celebration of everything she meant to us.  Next, about halfway through the morning I got a call from my son, exiled since early this year to Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan, with the news he was returning to the States in a couple of weeks.  We had a nice conversation and I noted that he had learned a lot very valuable life lessons as well as work experience over there.  I’m so happy he’s coming home but I know my joy will pale in comparison to a certain young lady up in Portsmouth.  I figure his mother and I will see him for the first time about a week after he gets back.  Young and in love buys you a lot of understanding.  I’ve written earlier about how much I love dogs, real dogs, not pint sized yappers.  Yesterday the State Police K-9 unit was training outside my office.  It was a rainy day and they were hiding drugs around the garage and the dogs would sniff them out.  My office is directly off the garage so I got to watch a little bit of that and marvel at how well trained the magnificent dogs were.  The funniest moment happened when one cop hid a not insignificant amount of heroin in my boss’ car.  Before the cops could get the dog over my boss drove away for lunch.  The cops were a little frantic as my boss was sailing around Worcester with a stash of heroin.  Luckily he didn’t get stopped while he was out and when he returned the dog went nuts – all was good.  Shortly after I returned home my wife and I had a nice long conversation on the phone with our NYC resident daughter.  My wife and I enjoyed that conversation as well as it reminded us that she’s coming up to spend Father’s Day weekend with us.  The cosmos did a pretty good job yesterday.

State Police Training Dog - My Office Door on Left

Promethean Pervasity (I know its not a real word)

Worcester Courthouse as Seen From Negotiating Window

Yesterday I was low all day.  It was not because I was in negotiations with the union all day – usually reason enough.  We even made some significant progress towards a new contract which sadly included an agreement that eliminated the position for my friend.  The negotiating session was in downtown Worcester directly across the street from a newly constructed court house.  This allowed a parade of flotsam and jetsam of some of the seamier side of Worcester society to pass by.  Its takes a significant amount of criminality to actually reach a court room here in the People’s Republic of Massachusetts so you can imagine some of the life forms on display – it was an extremely shallow gene pool.  I was haunted all day with a pervasive feeling of sadness and helplessness over the loss of my cousin.  It just doesn’t make sense.  My mind kept slipping back to those feelings.  Yet another element of the brief “golden age” of my youth when my parents were still together and all the cousins on my father’s side got together for family reunions and Thanksgivings is gone.  I mostly felt frustrated at being unable to be there for my cousin’s brother and sisters, some of my favorite people in the world.  When someone passes after a long illness you have time to prepare yourself for the inevitable passing.  It gives you time to reflect on the life of the departed and the funeral can be a celebration of that life.  I’ve had some experience with unexpected death, I lost both my father and a sister as well some Army friends that way, and nothing seems to help except to force your way through the shock and honor the memory of the one is gone.  My cousin led a life to be celebrated, to be acknowledged for her life of quiet, dignified excellence.  I have no doubt that her brother and sisters will rise to the occasion next week – I just wish I could be there for them.  The funeral is next week in South Carolina and I have to be at another negotiating session where the union is bringing in a regional vice president – yet another reason to love the union.  My heart and my thoughts will be in South Carolina where my cousin will be laid to rest in the same cemetery our mutual great, great-grandfather, who died down there in the Civil War, is buried.  It’s fitting but a small consolation that something good has come out of this tragedy but yesterday one of the tech savvy younger cousins set up a Facebook group for the family to stay better connected – I think my cousin would have approved.
My wife sensed how down I was yesterday when I got home and typically she did her best to lift my spirits.  Since last night was date night we headed out to the movies to see the latest blockbuster, Prometheus.  I written earlier about how frustratingly selective my wife has become about movies.  She asked my daughter, who saw the movie over the past weekend, and after an extremely pregnant pause, my daughter reluctantly recommended the movie to my wife.  That was all was needed to stoke the flames of doubt for my wife.  We were standing in line to buy tickets and she still hadn’t made up her mind – decisiveness is not her strong suit.  Faced with alternatives of Sasha Baron Cohen and animated zoo animals she finally agreed to see Prometheus.  I’ve been psyched for this semi-prequel to the Alien movies directed by the original Alien director Ridley Scott (he of Blade Runner sci fi credentials).  I was not disappointed.  This movie was so “big” that I (jaded movie goer that I am) felt a real sense of wonder, something bereft of any of my recent movie going experiences. There were a couple of plot turns that didn’t pass the common sense test but the cast lifted the movie above this.  Noomi Rapace, the original Swedish Dragon Tattoo girl, even reached Ripley level determination.  I also liked the ending which may or may not signal a sequel.  My wife had to watch a couple scenes through her fingers but she loved the movie – the best I’ve seen this year.   The Red Sox even won a one run game.  It’s almost like the cosmos is trying to raise my spirits.

R.I.P. Betsy

Mortality thrust itself very rudely into my family’s life yesterday.  I had barely walked in the house from work when I received a telephone call from the cousin that is kind of in charge of the extended family descended from my father’s side.  She was calling to inform me of the passing of one of the other cousins.  I’ve written before about the extremely special bond the brothers and sisters of my father share, which was passed down with varying degrees of success to my generation.  I’m the son of the youngest and Betsy was the oldest of his older brother.  She was only 11 years older than I am so the passing was sudden and completely uncalled for.  She was married to a career US Marine and had just settled into their dream home in South Carolina a few years ago.  She was on vacation with her family in the Caribbean when she got up in the middle of the night and unexpectedly walked out of the house.  When she didn’t return they went out looking for her and found her collapsed and beyond revival.  I’m starting to see some tributes appearing on Facebook and it is clear that this is a devastating blow to her brothers and sisters.  They are an extremely close knit group who spend every Christmas together and my heart is with them today.  Betsy was always one of the older cousins already headed out into life when I was just coming of age to remember things. We were fortunate enough in one of my assignments to the Pentagon that we lived only a couple miles apart.  We hadn’t seen in each other in decades but when I walked through her door I immediately felt welcomed and with family.  She was a lifelong educator and took an immediate interest in my kids and offered some great advice for my daughter.  Tangentially she is responsible for my daughter attending Boston University because she told me not to be scared off by cost; that it would be worth it and she was right.  I think one of the best compliments anyone can receive is that they cared.  Well, Betsy cared, about everybody she came in contact with.  The world is diminished today.  A very gentle soul has departed, too early, and we’ll all be poorer for her passing.  Please send out your prayers to her family who have to deal with this unexpected loss.  I hope she found what she was seeking on that last walk.

Couched Sunday

Yesterday was an absolutely spectacular New England summer day.  I was in heavy recovery mode because of a challenging work week and then my wife’s exhausting preparations for Saturday night’s party, not to mention the party itself with its incumbent requirements.  I really needed a day of rest and thankfully, despite the fact I am still seriously pissed at the union, I spent the entire day catching up on some movie watching and yet another Sox loss.  My friend took off for home after an early morning breakfast at a local diner.  My wife chose not to accompany because her health conscious diet does not allow diner fare.  I am not blessed with that same level of apprehension so bacon and eggs topped with home fries were rocking.  I absolutely love eating at diners but don’t get to do it very often, see above for spousal intervention issues.  It was such a perfect day that my wife and I, plus a semi-vigilant Buddy, read the Sunday paper out on the front porch.  After church and grocery shopping (and confirming movie theater construction progress) I planted my behind firmly on the couch.  I had all the windows wide open so I could hear the neighbor’s pool party and generally enjoyed the great day from the welcoming embrace of my favorite spot.  My wife finally ran out of gas and spent the afternoon napping.  I watched two movies, the Red Sox game, and a couple episodes of The Wire (still not feeling that).  My seat allows a view of the front porch and we always buy a fuschia plant for the spot nearest the window.  Humming birds love this plant so I was blessed with a parade of those delightful little creatures all day.    

My Wife on the Porch - The Fuschia in Shadow to Left

Buddy Waking Up to Become Vigilant

Mafia Got Together

Whiffle Superstar in Backyard

Yesterday was spent preparing for and then hosting a group of friends for a late afternoon barbecue.  I’ve written earlier that I call the group of friends that my wife seems to acquire in every place we have ever lived – the Panamanian mafia.  Yesterday we had the Worcester chapter of the mafia, well at least elements of it, over to the house.  My friend that was down from my hometown stayed over for the party and helped with the preparation phase – a period of high energy, at times manic paced, cleaning of the house under the frazzled leadership of my wife.  I got the lawn mowed and then power washed part of the house and both the front porch and rear deck.  My friend foolishly volunteered to help and was decisively engaged by my wife in a myriad of tasks that I’m sure had his head spinning by the end of the day.  He certainly seemed ready for that first beer.  We ended up playing whiffle ball with the precocious five year old daughter of one of my wife’s friends who corrected her father when he said that she had been selected as student of the month for her kindergarten class.  She was in fact – the Superstar Student of the Month!  It was fun to be around this young lady’s boundless energy – she loves Buddy and he was truly exhausted by the end of the night.  Buddy has made huge strides and can now participate in these parties.  The food was great and the comradery even better.  We had a couple games of lawn bowling that my son in law introduced us to which was a lot of fun.  It was a perfect New England summer day and when the chill of the evening came on my wife suggested I start a fire.  This is truly like setting me loose in a chocolate factory.  I absolutely love fires – if I had a smidge less common sense I probably would have made a fair to middling pyromaniac.  There is something primordial about sitting around a fire with friends; it was a great way to end the evening.  I considered it a success because I didn’t burn the deck down – I did overachieve as to the size of the blaze (thank God for that smidge).  Today promises to be a lot more genteelly paced – I’m looking forward to some couch time.  Hopefully the wife does not have other plans.  She seems to resent any periods of inaction on my part.  Oh, I’m still pissed.

Around Table with the Mafia

Party Moved Outside Early

Pyro Is Loose

Alright Maybe I did Get a Little Carried Away!