Since we live in such polarizing times,
I have refrained from adding fuel to the fire since so many people seem to
enjoy that particular heat. However, I can’t sit back and listen to the
Trumpster’s latest. He recently called for the suspension of the Constitution
when he doesn’t like the rules. This is a man (using term lightly) who swore an
oath to support and defend that same document. This is the type of incendiary rhetoric
that you find in 3rd world countries and autocracies. The Constitution
may not be perfect but it is the absolute bedrock of this country. With each passing
statement I become more convinced that our former president is one of those
enemies (foreign and domestic) referred to in the same oath I took. He’s acting
like an agent for a foreign power (we all know who) that wants to weaken our
country. I still don’t get how any rational person can support this buffoon. I love
this country too much to do that. Luckily some more moderate Republicans are
emerging which gives me hope for 2024.
After that political rant I’ll revert
back to some recent humor discovered online. I’m not funny enough to think of
this myself but each of these made me laugh. I have no idea if the claims are
true either:
“At this point I ordered so much stuff,
I don't even know what's happening. If UPS shows up with llama today, it is
what it is.”
Early aircraft throttles had a ball on
the end of it, in order to go full throttle the pilot had to push the throttle
all the way forward into the wall of the instrument panel. Hence "balls to
the wall" for going very fast.
During
WWII, U.S. Airplanes were armed with belts of ammo, which they would shoot
during dogfights and on strafing runs. These belts were folded into the wing
compartments that fed their machine guns. These belts measure 27 feet and
contained hundreds of cartridges. Often times, the pilots would return from
their missions having expended all of their bullets on various targets. They
would say, "I gave them the whole nine yards," meaning they used up
all of their ammunition.
Did you know the saying "God
willing and the creek don't rise" was in reference to the Creek Indians
and not a body of water? It was written by Benjamin Hawkins in the late 18th
century. He was a politician and Indian diplomat. While in the South, Hawkins
was requested by the President to return to Washington. In his response, he was
said to write, "God willing and the Creek don't rise." Because he
capitalized the word "Creek" he was referring to the Creek Indian
tribe and not a body of water.
In George Washington's days, there were
no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of
George Washington have him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back
while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were
not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to
be painted. Arms and legs are 'limbs,'
therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression, 'Okay,
but it'll cost you an arm and a leg.'
As incredible as it sounds, not so long
ago, men and women took baths only twice a year (May and October). Women kept
their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and
wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn't
wash the wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the
wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big
and fluffy, hence the term 'big wig'. Today we often use the term here comes
the 'Big Wig' because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.
In the late 1700's, many houses
consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide bench
folded down from the wall, and was used for dining. The 'head of the household'
always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the bench.
Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this
chair during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in
charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the 'chair man. Today in
business, we use the expression or title 'Chairman' or 'Chairman of the Board.'
Personal hygiene left much room for
improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by
adulthood. The women would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth
out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began
to stare at another woman's face she was told, 'mind your own bee's wax.'
Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term 'crack a smile'. In
addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt. Therefore,
the expression 'losing face.'
Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up
in the front. A proper and dignified woman, as in 'straight laced' wore a
tightly tied corset.
Common entertainment included playing cards.
However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only
applicable to the 'Ace of Spades.' To avoid paying the tax, people would
purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people
were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't 'playing with a full
deck.'
Early politicians required feedback from
the public to determine what the people considered important. Since there were
no telephones, TV's, radios nor internet, the politicians sent their assistants
to local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to 'go sip some Ale and listen
to people's conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were
dispatched at different times. 'You go sip here' and 'You go sip there.' The
two words 'go sip' were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion
and, thus we have the term 'gossip.'
At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people
drank from pint and quart-sized containers. A barmaid's job was to keep an eye
on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and
remember who was drinking in pints and who was drinking in quarts, hence the
phrase 'minding your Ps and Qs.'
One more: bet you didn't know this! In
the heyday of sailing ships, all warships and many freighters carried iron
cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep
a good supply near the cannon. However, how to prevent them from rolling about
the deck? The best storage method devised was a square-based pyramid with one
ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a
supply of 30 cannon balls could be tacked in a small area right next to the
cannon. There was only one problem; how to prevent the bottom layer from
sliding or rolling from under the others. The
solution was a metal plate called a 'Monkey' with 16 round indentations.
However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to
it. The solution to the rusting problem
was to make 'Brass Monkeys.' Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts
greater, and much faster than iron when it's chilled. Consequently, when the
temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that
the iron cannonballs would roll right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite
literally, 'Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.'
Five
movies fell in my A-Z effort, all keepers, Collateral Beauty (move really touchs
me, especially Michael Pena sub-plot), Collateral Damage (Governator at his
peak, okay maybe a bit past it), Coumbiana (love Zoe in everything she does,
great action), Color of Night (erotic thriller, you had me at erotic),
Commancheros (the DUKE!!! loved his ‘mon soor” treatment of Whitman).
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RECURRING CHARACTERS:
ABFA – Amazing Best Family
Athlete - my daughter
in law; BR3 – Blog Reader #3 – granddaughter
#3; BRS - Blog Reader the Sequel -
second granddaughter; Cantankerous Friend – friend since grade school who likes to argue
about everything, poses as radical leftist to attract women; Connecticut
Riverboat Captain – another close friend from high school, renowned sailor
of the big river; Curbside Girls – close
friends of my daughter acquired during him her single days in Brooklyn; Deckzilla – our backyard deck which
grew to monstrous dimensions once my wife got involved in planning; Favorite Panamanian - the wife (of
course); FBR - First Blog Reader -
first granddaughter; First Friday –
celebrations to mark the First Friday of the Week; Great Aunt - my elder sister; Keene
Friends 1 & 2 – friends since high school from my home town of Keene,
NH; Kindergarten Friend – friend
since kindergarten whom I reunited with after many years; Maine and Virginia Musqueteras – two close friends of my wife –
her US sisters, my wife is the 3rd Musquetera (musketeer); Namesake Nephew –
son of Great Aunt and Soxfather named after me; Neighborhood Mafioso - wife's close friend and Panamanian mafia
member; PanaGals – female relatives /friends
of my wife from Panama; Panamanian/Latin
Mafia – inevitable group of Latino friends my wife accumulates wherever we
have lived & their spouses; PCR - Pittsburgh College Roommate– high
school friend, also a “Minor Celebrity” in Pittsburgh; PCR+1 - Pittsburgh College Roommate’s wife; Riggins - also known as the
Grandpuppy, son's dog; Soxfather -
my brother in law; Tia Loca – wife’s younger sister; Wingman – my son in law; Wingmom – Wingman’s mom, of course
