Alright, fair warning to my New England friends
– this read is going to be painful, mostly because of the pictures of where I
am right now. We finally arrived at our beachfront condo in Las Lajas, Panama
yesterday after an epic trip through what I came to think of as a journey through
some version of Rod Serling’s Twilight Zone. After a few weeks of the hardest I’ve
worked in years I’m ready for a rest. It should be noted those weeks followed
my official final retirement from “work”. I blame it on my once and forever
boss/commander-in-chief, the Favorite Panamanian. She insisted the house had to
be clean enough to eat off the floors even though the only person in the house
for the next couple months is the house sitter. I gave up years ago trying to understand
the logic.
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| Sunset Walk on Beach Last Night |
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| Our First 2022 Beach Sunset |
We received eight inches of snow as a
parting gift from New England on Friday which delayed our trip to New Jersey until
Saturday. That trip went well but enroute we changed our plans to check into an
airport hotel instead of staying with my daughter so she wouldn’t have to drive
us to JFK at 2am. The FBR was immensely disappointed she wouldn’t have me to
supervise Saturday afternoon but it was the right thing to do. My daughter
drove us to the hotel which was helpfully right next to not only the airport
but one of the largest garbage collection truck parks I’ve ever seen. Everything
is outsized in the Big Apple. The hotel was fine, clean, and remarkably quiet
despite the trucks and adjacent airport. I’m thinking some serious sound
baffling construction techniques were employed.
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| What We Left Behind |
We ordered pizza and hit the rack around
9pm. This does qualify as the earliest I’ve gone to bed since 1999 when I
worked a midnight shift in the bowels of the Pentagon. This is the start of our
trip through the mystery zone. The hotel advertised a 24-hour shuttle to the airport
but upon checking in and our driver gone, we learned the shuttle didn’t start
until 5am, three hours later than we would need it. The desk clerk assured me a
taxi would be easy to acquire. We made our 1:30am wakeup and the taxi did
appear which was helpfully large enough to handle our six suitcases (remember who
I was traveling with). The drive was only three minutes but cost $40, probably
the most expensive per-mile trip I’ve ever taken.
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| First Class!! |
The 3am check in for the plane was
fairly easy. We had to present our ministry of health docs to prove we were
vaccinated. When we got to the check-in agent, I was informed I had been upgraded
to First Class. I told the agent I wasn’t brave enough to accept that upgrade
if my Favorite Panamanian wasn’t included. She laughed and said she would try
but couldn’t promise so I took a boarding pass back in economy with a properly
respected spouse. We arrived at the gate and I heard my name being called where
I was once again informed I had been upgraded. I told the guy, again, I couldn’t
take it without my wife and he said he would try to move her up as well. Two
minutes later we were both upgraded. I emerged as a semi-hero for my traveling
partner.
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| Lunch at Riande with Tia Loca |
The seats in first class had footrests
and felt like we were in recliners. We woke up long enough for breakfast which
lived down to the reputation of airline food. I was anxiously awaiting
scrambled eggs and Canadian bacon only to receive something I called egg soup
surrounded by some sort of mini fried corn. I’m guessing I received some sort of
vegetarian version of the meal I ordered and they certainly messed up choosing
me to send it to. We slipped in and out of consciousness for the rest of the trip
to Panama. We arrived to a completely empty terminal with only travelers
allowed within the building. The usual crowd greeting arriving passenger was eerily
absent.
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| On my Mother-in-Law's Front Porch with Wife's Family |
We had a four-hour layover before our follow-on
domestic flight up to David, my wife’s hometown. My sister-in-law, the infamous
Tia Loca, and her son, who live in Panama City, drove to the airport and we
went out to lunch together at Hotel Riande and the first Atlas beer of the trip.
We’ve stayed there a couple of times over the year and always enjoyed the time
there. We got a table overlooking the hotel pool with its usual stockpile of tropically
attired patrons. It felt strange to watch people outside in a pool surrounded
by palm trees after leaving the frozen wasteland of NYC just a few hours
before. There was a particularly well-endowed young lady who was totally dominating
a red, string bikini. I was busted by my Favorite Panamanian almost immediately
after target acquisition but the arrest rate luckily did not match the level of
offenses. I was so hungry at this point that when Tia Loca asked if I liked the
hamburger I was devouring with a bare modicum of manners, I told her I would
have eaten dog meat at this point.
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| Arrived at the Condo - Wife on our Balcony |
After the very fun lunch we were back at
the airport while I was once again explaining to the ticket agent that I couldn’t
accept an upgrade without my wife. I was given seat next to her in economy and
shortly after the plane loaded, we were called forward and once again moved
into first class for the short flight to David. We arrived to find another empty
terminal. Panama takes Covid a lot more seriously than the USA. Remember we were
still in the “zone” because in a totally unprecedented event, ours were the first
suitcases to arrive. Shortly thereafter they were loaded into my brother in law’s
pickup truck and we were in our own car for the first time since last April
headed to my mother in law’s home.
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| Surprise Waiting for us from Our Awesome Cleaning Crew |
They had some cold Atlas beer ready for
me and we gathered on the front porch to await some ordered pizza. We remained masked
for the most part since we had traveled through three airports during the day
and wanted to protect my wife’s family. That didn’t stop the almost constant laughter
that ensued for the following three hours. They normally don’t sell beer on Sundays
but when we took a chance the local bodega sold me some and my brother-in-law said
the store owner remembered me from earlier trips and made an exception since I
was such a good customer. Any port in a storm, I guess.
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| My View as I Write This |
My wife went to the local farmer’s
market Monday morning to buy fruit. I was able to avoid that trip but we both
had to go to the grocery store to lay in the necessary supplies. We arrived at
the condo after an hour-long drive and I felt a real sense of coming home when
I opened the door and saw the surf breaking through the living room windows. My
sister-in-law and another PanaGal had done us a huge favor and cleaned the place
a couple days ago which saved us so much work. The only problem was a lost key to a critical closet
that held a lot of our long-term supplies. To add issue with that, a smoke alarm
soon started up behind the locked closet door. We’ve got a guy coming in today
to open it and install a new lock after my limited burglary efforts failed.
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| Beach This Morning |
One of the biggest presents I got for
Christmas was a device that would allow me to watch virtually any US channel as
well as video on demand. I purposely packed an extension cord because I knew
the device would need that in order to be close enough to connect with the TV.
After unpacking, the cord was nowhere to be found. Either the TSA needed a
spare cord or it accidently fell out during their baggage check. I was pissed because
I was planning on watching the college football championship game. An hour
later my wife emerged from the bathroom where she found an old cord we had
there and the day was saved. In very short order I was connected and watching
the game as if I was sitting in the Man Cave.
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| Report from Boston |
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| No Such Issue Here |
I was out on the deserted beach at first
light for my daily workout and I once again marveled at the luck I felt at
reaching this age healthy enough to still boogie board and swim and to have
such a delightful place to accomplish both before breakfast. After a long beach
walk with my wife, I turned on Good Morning America when we got back upstairs
and the first scene I saw was a report from Boston about a polar vortex descending
on a dangerously cold New England. I will admit I smiled a little bit. That
wasn’t the only bad news I learned from back home. The Cobblestone Pub, one of the
iconic stops on my annual hometown birthday pub crawl, burned to the ground. I
texted a friend that extensive reconnaissance will be required ahead of this
year’s crawl to ascertain the proper way to reconfigure the crawl. I know,
sacrifices must be made. We are officially open to receiving guests – escape the
cold and come see us.
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| R.I.P. Cobblestone |
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RECURRING CHARACTERS
BR3 – Blog Reader #3 – granddaughter #3, BRS - Blog Reader the Sequel - second granddaughter; FBR - First Blog Reader - first
granddaughter, ABFA – Amazing Best
Family Athlete = my daughter in law; Wingman – my son in law; Wingmom – Wingman’s mom, of course; Keene Friends 1 & 2 – friends since
high school from my home town of Keene, NH; Soxfather - my brother in law; Great
Aunt - my elder sister; Cantankerous Friend – friend since grade school who likes to argue
about everything, poses as radical leftist to attract women; Kindergarten Friend – friend since kindergarten
whom I reunited with after many years; Pittsburgh
College Roommate– high school friend, also a “Minor Celebrity” in
Pittsburgh; Deckzilla – our backyard
deck which grew to monstrous dimensions once my wife got involved in planning; Maine and Virginia Musqueteras – two
close friends of my wife – her US sisters, my wife is the 3rd musquetera
(musketeer); Riggins - also known as
the Grandpuppy, son's dog; PanaGals
– female relatives /friends of my wife from Panama; Panamanian/Latin Mafia – inevitable group of Latino friends my wife
accumulates wherever we have lived & their spouses; Neighborhood Mafioso - wife's close friend and Panamanian mafia
member, Favorite Panamanian - the
wife (of course); First Friday –
celebrations to mark the First Friday of the Week; Curbside Girls – close friends of my daughter acquired during her
single days in Brooklyn
