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| That California Lady |
One of the many benefits of my nightly
FaceTime calls with a certain young lady out in California is to resurrect memories
of her mother at the same age. It’s astonishing, alright maybe not so much
since they are mother and daughter, how closely they resemble each other. Last night’s
call sent me looking for pictures that captured some of those moments. I love
going into the old photo albums, despite the depredations the “kids” made over the
years to create photo collages for school projects.
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| Her Mother, My Daughter at Similar Age |
I was in the middle of this search
when I ran into some of the rare photos of my mother. I say rare because she
always and usually very sternly refused to have her picture taken; even at a
young age when she was renowned for her beauty. Today just happens to be her
birthday so my thoughts were bound to wander in that direction anyways.
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| Mom |
My mother was a complicated and at the
end very damaged woman. She set out on her own at the age of fifteen and through
hard work and searing intelligence obtained her nursing degree. She left to escape
two abusive brothers and often sought the refuge of the town library, that love
of reading was passed on to her children. Early indications are that her great granddaughter
will follow that trend as well. Mom actually left $1000 to that library in her
will even though she hadn’t been back in over a half century.
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The Freeze Face Her Daughter Has Now Picked Up
Younger Version of Great Aunt Holding Her, Mom in Background |
Growing up I was very proud of my mother.
She was fun to be around despite some very pointed ideas on discipline. She
even tossed the Cantankerous Friend into a snow bank when they were passing on
the street one day and he wasn’t going to say hi to her. Two events conspired
to eradicate that thoughtful woman of my youth. The first was her divorce. She
hated to fail at anything and took the events leading up to the split extremely
hard. I think back to those days and am horrified at the position she placed
her children in. I know my two younger sisters paid an even harder more
enduring price.
The second event was infinitely more invasive
and completely altered my mother’s personality. That was the death by suicide
of one of my younger sisters. Despite that sister’s lengthy record of mental
health problems, up to and including hospitalization, my mother always blamed
herself in some way for the death, which was manifestly unfair but again, I know
this is every parent’s worst nightmare. We’re supposed to outlive our children.
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| Mom and my Daughter |
It didn’t happen immediately but over
the years she retreated more and more into herself, became insular and almost mean
spirited. She easily took offense and would go out of her way to freeze out anyone
she thought had wronged her. My daughter was one of the few people who could
draw her out of the dark places her psyche took her. From the very first moment
of meeting they were incredibly close and it offered a glimpse for the rest of
us of that remembered mother of our youth. I can just imagine how far over the moon
she would have been to meet the First Blog Reader. In her last few weeks as she
was in recovery from open heart surgery she miraculously returned to that earlier
version of herself. I’ve often thought the pain she felt due to a variety of maladies
contributed to her inner retreat. I like to think she’s upstairs looking down
on us now and showering us with the love she held back now that she’s free of
earthly pain. Happy Birthday Mom.
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| My Daughter |
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| My Daughter |
