Farewell Friday

The Two Guys I'll Miss the Most

Yesterday was my last day at my old job.  It had been a bittersweet time as I was extremely focused on getting the guy replacing me up to speed.  He’s a young guy but seemed capable and understood the important things.  Everyone forgot my birthday this week so I was not expecting a big send off or anything special.  They surprised me when I was asked to go back to the conference room to meet with the client.  They had all the employees and a couple of really large cakes (my personal kryptonite).  They went around the room and asked each employee to speak and I heard some really nice things about myself.  A couple employees couldn’t speak at all, overcome with emotion.  I was kind of stunned because I have been very tough on this bunch, something they needed at the time.  I guess I made a difference which is everything I hoped for.  The client gave me a book and a very nice plaque.  The employees bought me gift certificates for the movies (I guess they do know me) and for dinner at a great restaurant.   It was nostalgic leaving but once I got on the highway for the long ride home and realized that this was the last time I’d have to make this long trip – I was content with the decision.  I stopped for a happy hour gathering with the people I start work with on Monday and it ….  was….. so ….. AWESOME!!!!!  It really felt like coming home and we had an absolutely outstanding time.  This was the camaraderie that was simply missing at my old job and it’s something I now realize I need in my life.  The best part of the evening came when my wife joined us for the last hour.  She also fit right back into the group and was teaming up against my new boss and I like we had never left.  We never stood a chance – great fun.  I left the club feeling my decision to change jobs had been fully validated.  

The Ladies Behind the Cakes

Lodging a Complaint

I have never had a high level of tolerance for complaining.  I’ve always thought you shouldn’t complain about something because that time should be spent trying to address the problem instead whining about it.  What amazes me is that I am in a very successful marriage with a woman who could take the gold medal for complaining – she really is that accomplished.  She knows how I react to complaining but can’t help herself – I must really love her.  I feel bad for my kids because while growing up they heard a lot of “stop whining” from me.  During the many long road trips that attend a military family’s life they would inevitably ask me, “How much longer?”  I would always add 200 miles to the answer I had given them the last time they asked the question.  People that work for me know they shouldn’t come to me with a problem unless they also come with a proposed solution to that problem.  People need to own the circumstances of their lives and not allow the everyday frustration that is present in all lives to overcome the empowering feeling of taking charge and not just bitching about it.  Now that I think about I am now complaining about complainers.  In a larger sense this whole blog thing I have embarked upon involves a lot of complaining.  What the hell, I have a lot of complaining stored up.

Reading – Maternal Legacy

Something I inherited from my mother and for which I am eternally grateful is my love of reading.  She instilled in me at a very early age that reading was a path to success.  She had a tough childhood in Rutland, Vermont and her lone refuge was the local library where she would spend countless hours reading.  She used the knowledge she acquired to break free of the cycle her family was in and actually declared her independence from her family when she was only 15.  This was unheard of in the 1940s but she was if anything, ruthlessly brave.  She always ascribed her courage and the drive to get an education to those early days spent reading.  During her last few years, whenever I came to visit I usually found her ensconced in her easy chair with a number of books close by.  After she passed away we were confronted with literally thousands of books that had built up over the years.  In a poignant moment, during the reading of her will, she bequeathed $1000 to the Rutland library for the positive effect on her life.  She was not a wealthy woman but she still felt the need to pass on that obligation; we were so proud of her.  She hooked me into reading by having me read things that she knew I would enjoy and we spent some long hours at the library finding books that would spark my interest.  I still remember the quiet calm and even the smell of those times in the library.  I still read daily, I love the kindle that my family bought for me but I do miss my forays to the book store – the only kind of shopping I can endure.  My wife has finally figured out that just because I am reading does not mean that I am screwing off and available for tasks.  Reading really is the path to enlightenment and more than anything else the reason I have achieved what success I have in life.  Thanks Mom.

The Greatest Gift

Photo from a Few Years Ago with My Best Birthday Gifts

I’ve always felt that birthdays are important.  Even as I acquire a fairly robust stock of them I still get excited about them.  I always find out when the birthdays of the people that work for me are and make sure to wish them a happy birthday.  Birthdays are special.  I think this stems from my own childhood when that was the one day a year I really felt special.  My parents were “tough love” types that helped make me the man I am but at the same time didn’t inspire confidence through enthusiastic support.  I discovered my self-confidence on my own.  My birthday is tomorrow and I was given the best birthday possible this past weekend when both of my kids made the effort to spend some time with me.  They both bought me movies which is next to impossible because I literally have every movie I thought I ever wanted but they somehow managed to get it right.  They know me.  The greatest gift however was them.  I am so proud of them and just being around them makes me feel better.   They both live hectic lives of their own and could easily have begged off making the trip home to see me but there they both were.  I am constantly amazed at my good fortune with these two.  I was tough on them growing up but I think I did it better than their grandparents because they always knew they were loved as well.  I will go to my grave knowing my greatest accomplishment in life was being a part of the lives of these two extraordinary people.  I think every parent, if he/she is honest, has fears about getting it right in the raising of their children.  My children took all the mystery out of it for me by simply being the best possible people I could have hoped for.  This greatest gift still had me smiling early this morning as I drove to work.

Weekend Perfection

My Daughter and I on Top of the Mountain

I relearned a lesson this weekend that I have had to relearn repeatedly - that family and the simple things are the keys to true happiness.  My daughter and son in law came up from New York City and joined me on a climb up a small mountain near where I grew up.  I was very touched that they wanted to make the climb with me.  I was attempting to redeem my pride because I climbed the same mountain back in June and it was a lot more difficult physically than it should have been.  I vowed to get back in shape and reclimb the mountain this year.  When my daughter heard I was doing this she enthusiastically joined in.  As we were making the climb I reflected on how perfect a day it was - hiking through the New Hampshire woods on a crisp autumn afternoon.  I really cherished the time together with my daughter and son in law away from other distractions.  The views were fantastic and we took the time to stop and enjoy them when each new panorama presented itself.  I found myself just looking around while we hiked and feeling like this was exactly the perfect place to be at that time.  When we reached the top of the mountain the wind was howling and the temperature dropped but we relished the accomplishment (after finding a place to rest out of the wind).  Strangely the trip back down the mountain seemed longer than the trip up, albeit much easier.  I think, in part, this was because we were heading towards the end of what had been very fun, bonding moments.  In today's very busy day to day life, an opportunity to spend an entire afternoon doing something you love with people you love is truly memorable.  It will remain one of my "perfect day" memories to the day I die.

Veterans Day

Today is Veterans Day and I am often asked about the best way to recognize Veterans.  I think the best way is to simply say, thank you.  One of the most memorable times I recall from my service was a time I was waiting to pick up my daughter who was arriving via train in Washington DC.  I was in uniform and trying to stay out of the fast moving pedestrian traffic.  An older man, probably my age now, in a suit paused and walked over to me.  This being Washington I didn't know what to expect, I mean there were anti-military demonstrators outside the pentagon on September 12, 2001. This man came up to me and said, "You don't know me but I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for serving this country."  We shook hands and we both had tears in our eyes as he turned and walked out of my life forever.  That moment meant more for me than any medal or letter of commendation I received.  After leaving the military and trying to return home I know the sacrifices our military makes are deep and sometimes not all that apparent.

 I have had this sermon framed and placed next to my desk for the last ten years.

What is a Vet?

Some veterans bear visible signs of their service:  a missing limb, a jagged scar, a certain look in the eye.  Others may carry the evidence inside them:  a pin holding a bone together, a piece of shrapnel in the leg – or perhaps another sort of inner steel:  the soul’s ally forged in the refinery of adversity.  Except in parades, however, the men and women who have kept America safe wear no badge or emblem.  You can’t tell a vet just by looking.  What is a vet?  He is the cop on the beat who spent six months in Saudi Arabia sweating two gallons a day making sure the armored personnel carriers didn’t run out of fuel.  He is the barroom loudmouth, dumber than five wooden planks, whose overgrown frat-boy behavior is outweighed a hundred times in the cosmic scales by four hours of exquisite bravery near the 38^th parallel.  She, or he, is the nurse who fought against futility and went to sleep sobbing every night for two solid years in Da Nang.  He is the POW who went away one person and came back another – or didn’t come back at all.  He is the Quantico drill instructor who has never seen combat but has saved countless lives by turning slouchy, no account rednecks and gang members into Marines, and teaching them to watch each other’s backs.  He is the parade riding Legionnaire who pins on his ribbons and medals with a prosthetic hand.  He is the career quartermaster who watches the ribbons and medals pass him by.  He is the three anonymous heroes in the Tomb of the Unknowns, whose presence at the Arlington National Cemetery must forever preserve the memory of all the anonymous heroes whose valor dies unrecognized with them on the battlefield or in the ocean’s sunless deep.  He is the old guy bagging groceries at the supermarket, palsied now and agonizingly slow, who helped liberate a Nazi death camp and wishes all day long that his wife was still alive to hold him when the nightmares come.  He is an ordinary and yet an extraordinary human being, a person who offered some of his life’s most vital years in the service of his country, and who sacrificed his ambitions so others would not have to sacrifice theirs.  He is a Soldier and a savior and a sword against the darkness, and he is nothing more than the finest, greatest testimony on behalf of the finest, greatest nation ever known.  So remember, each time you see someone who has served our country, just lean over and say Thank You.  That’s all most people need, and in most cases it will mean more than any medals they could have been awarded or were awarded.  Two little words that mean a lot, “THANK YOU”.  Remember November 11^th is Veterans Day.  “It is the Soldier, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of the press.  It is the Soldier, not the poet who has given us freedom of speech.  It is the Soldier, not the campus organizer, who has given us the freedom to demonstrate.  It is the Soldier, who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag.” – Father Denis O'Brien, USMC

Last Lecture

R.I.P.

On the recommendation of my son’s most excellent new girlfriend I read The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch this week.  This is the chronicle of a college professor who was informed he had terminal liver cancer and was offered the opportunity to present a “last lecture” in which he passed on his life’s lessons, most importantly to his very young children.  I saw Mr. Pausch on Good Morning America shortly before his death in 2008, was struck by his optimism, and had always meant to get around to reading his book. I am exceedingly glad that I did and would recommend the book to anyone.  It was eerie to a certain degree in that he was saying a lot of the things I personally believe in, albeit in a much more lucid fashion than I am capable of.  He was five years younger than me but grew up with the same fascination for Walt Disney and Captain Kirk.  The book also fleshed out the content of his actual lecture which was limited in time.  I hope that I meet my end with the same kind of courage and thoughtfulness.  I think, to a certain extent, this is what I am trying to do with this blog.  I want to pass on what I have learned and experienced but often didn’t say to my kids and hopefully someday – grandkids.  I’m at an age where I won’t get to know any grandkids when they reach adulthood and appreciate what I am trying to pass on so hopefully they will someday read this and know I was thinking about them.  (to my own children – no pressure – just an observation)  The book is a quick read and well worth the time.  Once again, the central lesson – life is such a precious gift and should be cherished and enjoyed.