Wednesday, August 21, 2019

Surprise Planting and Raunchy Fun


My wife continues to thwart my heartfelt belief that we have enough plants. She and her mother have been disappearing from the house each day to survey the target rich shopping environs surrounding Worcester. Yesterday on what was supposed to be a mission to secure additional paper towels she also acquired four large perennials. I’m still trying to figure out how that happened but she is an adept when it comes to creating her vast garden empire. She looked a bit askance when I questioned whether there was any room for the new acquisitions.
This was a tactical mistake on my part as I was then subjected to a five minute lecture ranging from the depredations of the back yard ribbits to the lack of color on certain levels of the garden. I was once again beaten into submission by the sheer amount of information my Favorite Panamanian is capable of producing, seemingly without preparation. So there I was this morning after my swim, digging four new holes in the selected locations. I thought I was safe from supervision until I heard a tapping on the new bathroom window. I believe wives acquire a sixth sense when walking down the aisle which allows them to know when their spouse is in need of monitoring.
Date night last evening had us at the movie theater (gasp!) where we saw Good Boys. An incredibly funny movie exploring the coming of age for sixth graders seen through the eyes of three boys invited to their first ever “kissing party”. There are some uncomfortable moments as the boys skip school to experience adventures as they try to make their way to the mall. There are some almost sweet and incredibly funny scenes when they run across sex toys of their parents and assign innocent functions to them. It could be a cinematic first to have anal beads play a prominent role. This movie also boasts what might be the funniest paintball shootout of all time. The schemes are outlandish and totally unbelievable but you can’t help but root for these guys trapped between the elementary school and the onslaught of teenage years. I loved it even though I ended up having to explain why certain things were so funny to my date which turned out to be interesting.
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RECURRING CHARACTERS                                           
BRS - Blog Reader the Sequel - second granddaughter; FBR - First Blog Reader - first granddaughter, ABFA – Amazing Best Family Athlete = my daughter in law; Wingman – my son in law; Keene Friends 1 & 2 – friends since high school from my home town of Keene, NH; Soxfather - my brother in law; Great Aunt = my elder sister; Cantankerous Friend – friend since grade school who likes to argue about everything, poses as radical leftist to attract women; Pittsburgh College Roommate – high school friend, also a “Minor Celebrity” in Pittsburgh; Deckzilla – our backyard deck which grew to monstrous dimensions once my wife got involved in planning; Maine and Virginia Musqueteras – two close friends of my wife – her US sisters, my wife is the 3rd musquetera (musketeer); Riggins - also known as the Grandpuppy, son's dog, surrogate grandchild while awaiting arrival of the BRS; PanaGals – female relatives/friends of my wife from Panama; Panamanian/Latin Mafia – inevitable group of Latino friends my wife accumulates wherever we have lived & their spouses; Neighborhood Mafioso - wife's close friend and Panamanian mafia member, Favorite Panamanian - the wife (of course); First Friday – celebrations to mark the First Friday of the Week; Deckzilla Dude – senior citizen carpenter/contractor; Voices of Inappropriate Worth - members of public who come to every Worcester public meeting to complain, all are on public assistance along with demeanor issues

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