One of the true mysteries of my
married life is how my Favorite Panamanian, who grew up in a country where the average
annual rainfall rivals a submerged Atlantis, is so intimidated by rain. I’m
married to an ombrophobic lady. I know part of the phobia of being outside with
precipitation involves hairdos and the work that went into them but again, I’ve
never been able to wrap my head around it. Monday was a good example as we
planned on going to the grocery store since our weekend adventures precluded the
usual Sunday trip. I came home from work and asked if she was ready to go and received
one of her patented withering stares accompanied by a pointed look at the rain
falling outside. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I spent way too much time
living in the jungle as a young lieutenant, as infantrymen are wont to do, but
most Panamanians never venture into that green morass. They are definitely
smarter than I was. At least I was able to buy what I wanted at the grocery
store during my solo trip there.
I try to read my hometown newspaper on
line each day and I learned today that I was born way too late. My old high
school starting in the upcoming year, will eliminate midterms and finals. Damn!
Academic grades will be based entirely on “formative” and “summative”
assessments. A set of competencies referred to as “work-study practices” will
be rated separately from the academic letter grade. I guess I really am getting
old if the touchy feely corps has seized control of a place like Keene High
School.
I returned to the movies last night
with my rain phobic better half and saw Stuber. There’s a lot better movie
hiding somewhere in this violent comedy. Dave Bautista has shown a real flare
for comedy in his Guardians’ role but he’s not allowed to pursue that here, consigned
to playing a typecast mountain of a cop. It also hurts that he is virtually
blind for the entire movie which makes no sense and is downright frustrating at
times. His partner in this buddy flick saves the movie. Kumail Nanjiani again
delivers the sly comedy he’s known for with some wicked one liners that had me
doubled over a number of times. He plays an uptight uber driver who’s dragooned
into service by the sight challenged Bautista. While I enjoyed the movie for
the most part I couldn’t help feeling they just missed something that could
have been epic. Where’s Drax when you need him.
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RECURRING
CHARACTERS
BRS - Blog Reader the Sequel - second granddaughter; FBR -
First Blog Reader - first granddaughter, ABFA – Amazing Best Family Athlete = my daughter in law; Wingman – my son in law; Keene Friends 1 & 2 – friends since
high school from my home town of Keene, NH; Soxfather - my brother in law; Great
Aunt = my elder sister; Cantankerous
Friend – friend since grade school who likes to argue about everything,
poses as radical leftist to attract women; Pittsburgh
College Roommate – high school friend, also a “Minor Celebrity” in
Pittsburgh; Deckzilla – our backyard
deck which grew to monstrous dimensions once my wife got involved in planning; Maine and Virginia Musqueteras – two
close friends of my wife – her US sisters, my wife is the 3rd musquetera
(musketeer); Riggins - also known as
the Grandpuppy, son's dog, surrogate grandchild while awaiting arrival of the
BRS; PanaGals – female
relatives/friends of my wife from Panama; Panamanian/Latin
Mafia – inevitable group of Latino friends my wife accumulates wherever we
have lived & their spouses; Neighborhood
Mafioso - wife's close friend and Panamanian mafia member, Favorite Panamanian - the wife (of
course); First Friday – celebrations
to mark the First Friday of the Week; Deckzilla
Dude – senior citizen carpenter/contractor; Voices of Inappropriate Worth - members of public who come to every
Worcester public meeting to complain, all are on public assistance along with
demeanor issues
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