Tonto and The O’Malley Twins

This weekend is the last one the house will be on the market before we pull it off for the winter, much to the ABFA’s delight.  We thought we were at the end of the road with showings but of course yesterday the realtor called with a showing both today and tomorrow.  The one today is a third showing for some people who earlier in the process declared that the house was too small for them.  I think they may be disappointed that it hasn’t grown even a little bit since that last showing.

First Friday Gathering - Joke Teller on Left

Celebrations to mark the First Friday of the Week were epic in that additional people showed up, including a truly gifted joke teller.  He’s a guy that works for us downtown and spent more than forty years as a bar tender – hence the facility with lubricated humor.  He had us in more than our usual stitches with jokes the current climate of political correctness would frown upon but brought back memories of earlier times.  I’ve included a couple of his better efforts below, dimly remembered.

The showings I mentioned above always put my wife in less than ideal frame of mind.  She agreed to sell the house but I think she’d rather do it without having any strangers entering the house to pass judgment on its cleanliness.  This is strange because she always keeps the house extremely hygienic – approaching surgical sterility and it’s has to be strangers because none of our friends want to buy it.  This line of thought presupposes that I understand the inner workings of the female mind – dangerous territory.

My Very Cute Zorba's Date Last Night

I applied my winning personality (or so I thought) to cajole her into a better frame of mind.  Okay, I used a glass of moscato and dinner at Zorba’s which I think had a lot more to do with it.  I’m going to dispatch her to an outlet mall today so she doesn’t reach melt down supervisory status as I put the finishing touches on getting the house ready for the showings.

Finally the jokes – do not proceed beyond this point if you are one of the slope shouldered, narrow minded, politically correct (you know who you are).  They’re much funnier on a Friday afternoon laced with beer but here goes:

A man took his seat for his flight next to an attractive young lady.  He couldn’t help but notice she was looking at a book with pictures of penises.  He asked her to put the porno away because he was offended.  She apologized and said she was an anthropologist studying the male equipment.  She said Native American men had the largest and Polish men had the thickest.  She then introduced herself as Joan and the young man replied, “Nice to meet you my name is Tonto Wandalowski”.

A young man walked up to the bar and picked up a conversation with the man next to him.  He said he could tell by his accent that he was Irish, just as he was.  He asked where in Ireland he came from, when he heard Dublin, he asked what neighborhood which turned out to be the same as very own.  The coincidence called for more comparison and they eventually figured out they went to the same school and graduated the same year.  The bartender picked up a phone and told his caller, “Nothing much is going on except the O’Malley twins are drunk again.”