Winter Returns, Celebrity Wasted, and Lib/Con Beer

Well I am certainly no longer in Panama.  I briefly brought some warmer weather back with me.  At least that’s what friends were saying about the mid 30s weather we’d had since my return (didn’t feel all that warm to me).  Yesterday we were supposed to get a light dusting of snow even though it fell all day long.  I stepped out of my office around 4pm and saw, just that, a light dusting.

The Light Dusting at 4pm

Then I went home and entered the cosmic hole in the snow matrix that is my home in Charlton and the obligatory 4+ inches we get when everyone else gets “dusted”.  For the first time since we bought the Highlander I was unable to get up the driveway.  After two failed attempts I admitted defeat and parked in the neighbor’s yard while I conducted snow blowing operations.  Since the snow was still falling this led to a second session later in the evening after it finally stopped.  I miss Panama.

Evidence of My Failed Attempts

After you get everything cleared though you cannot escape the natural beauty of fresh fallen snow.  There’s a quiet splendor to a crisp winter night when everything is coated in white and the stars look close enough to touch.  I still prefer doing it from the beach, though, I must be getting old.

The View This Morning - Beautiful

Photo Doesn't Do Justice to the Trees Out Back Coated in Snow

Someone who tragically will not be getting older is Phillip Seymour Hoffman who was unable to deal with his demons of drug addiction.  It’s easy to say he was weak and had so much to live for but we’ll never know whether that is true or he just could not overcome his disease.  We’ve certainly lost a talent.  He made even his small, early roles memorable; the ultimate scene stealer.

R.I.P.

The following was sent to me by one of the Roothuggers and it was too funny not to pass on, if only to poke the sleeping dragon AKA Cantankerous Friend:  For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:   

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers.  They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.   The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.  The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.  These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1 . Liberals  2. Conservatives. 

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.  Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.  Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement...

Other men  who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's  and doing the sewing,  fetching, and hair dressing.  This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.  Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men.  Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,  the invention of group therapy, group hugs,  and the concept of Democratic  voting to decide how to divide the meat  and beer  that conservatives  provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.  Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons. 

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.  Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.  Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively.  Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production.  Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.  They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history.  It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.  A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.  And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.....I'm going to have another beer.