Movie Ambush

Butterfield and Moretz

My wife and I have set aside Tuesday night as our weekly “date night”.  We spend that evening with each other; usually at the movies (my wife is really cool).  Last night I was confronted with something of a quandary.  I had seen all of the movies at the local theater that I considered worth seeing.  I hadn’t heard very much about “Hugo” and what I had heard, for the most part, I had forgotten.  We decided to take a chance and check it out.  I wasn't expecting much but I was almost immediately transported to Paris between the wars by the incredible texture of this movie and some truly astounding camera shots.  The special effects were amazing but not “in your face” as with so many of today’s movies.  The hero is an orphan who winds clocks hiding out at the train station while repairing mechanical toys.  The cast was truly interesting with the always great Ben Kingsely but the two young stars of the movie, Asa Butterfield and Chloe Grace Moretz, were the best part.  I’ve loved Moretz in everything she’s done, especially as Hit Girl in the movie Kick Ass and Butterfield was every bit as good.  I think we’ll be hearing great things about these two for many years to come.  There are some established actors in very small roles which is something I love.  Even Sacha Baron Choen, whom I usually don’t like, is under control as a semi-villain, and against all odds actually shows some nuance.  The funniest part was that after the movie as I walked into the atrium of the theater I glanced at the movie’s poster and realized for the first time that it was a Martin Scorsese movie.   This whimsical fare was completely out of his normal routine, but he hit a home run with this great movie which has a lot of heart. Any true lover of cinema, as Scorsese certainly is, will appreciate this movie because it ends up being an ode to the love of movies, in this case during the birth of cinema.  Sometimes ambushes end up well, go see Hugo.

A Less Cluttered Life

I have never been what anyone would describe as a “neat freak”.  I can be down right sloppy if left to my own devices.  Strangely, I married someone who is the polar opposite of that inclination and surprisingly I am happier because of that.  My wife abhors any kind of disorder in the house.  She is so adamant about it that at one point it actually threatened our marriage because I felt having the house spotless was more important to her than the happiness of the family was.  She learned to tone down her out right fanaticism on the subject but I know it still pulls at the edges of her self respect to have any disorder in the house.  I was raised in a house where my mother was strict about cleaning up after ourselves (4 kids will do that to you).  Later in her life, when all the kids had left, she allowed herself to accumulate an immense amount of “stuff”.  This was due in part to her addiction to yard sales, she just loved to shop and often found “such a bargain” that she had to have it.  I became very frustrated whenever I visited because, as a fairly large guy, I had real difficulty moving through the house without knocking anything over.  In passing through the main hall I actually had to turn sideways to get through.  Add to this equation two young and energetic kids and you get frustration central.  Near the end of my mother’s life I actually cut short visits because I was felt so constrained in a house I used to adore.  I think that experience taught me greater tolerance for my wife’s very opposite approach.  I enjoy coming home to a very clean house uncluttered and easily negotiated.  Of course this means anything left lying around, even if you’re going to need it very soon, will end up put away for safekeeping.  My wife can rarely recall where the object is safely keeping because she is often doing three or four things at once when she does this.  Despite the tension this type event and my own natural sloppiness sometimes engenders between us I really do appreciate the home my wife has created for us. 

Weekend Plus

I sit here Sunday night thinking back on a great weekend, plus.  I’ve already written about Thanksgiving but Friday night was every bit as enjoyable as we journeyed down to Rhode Island to join my sister and her great in laws for what has become a very entertaining tradition.  Since my sister is a nurse she usually has to work on Thanksgiving and we started having a second Thanksgiving dinner at her place.  The best part though is later in the evening when her in laws, a very close knit family, join us for an evening of companionship.  We were joined this year by my best friend, my son and her girlfriend.  The night lived up to its reputation which is hard to do.  I love the opportunity to sit around a table with good people and just share stories and enjoy being with each other.  Luckily, I married my designated driver and she got us home safe.  Yesterday our companions sadly departed and my wife and I set out to buy a Christmas tree.  We have a large cathedral ceiling in the family room and we bought our usual very tall tree.  Since it was an uncommonly warm day my wife decided we should play musical plants in the yard before we put up the tree.  She thought some plants were too tall for their location in her gardens and so I was charged with digging them up and replanting them in new locations.  This encompassed removing a fairly large area of turf which was mildly back breaking.  Once the plants were relocated it was on to the tree which was a true adventure, they always look smaller outside.  Today was spent recovering from the parties and the forced labor, I’ve found I cannot do as much physically as I used to.  The NFL came to the rescue and I enjoyed watching the Patriots dominate.  When you look so forward to a weekend it sometimes falls short but that didn’t happen this time.  I really missed having my daughter around but my son made up for that to a great degree.  He’s turned into a fine young man and just having him around lifts my spirits.  He is so far ahead of where I was at his age and a constant source of pride and just fun to be around.

Thanksgiving Thanks

This Year's Game

We had the best day yesterday as we once again traveled up to New Hampshire to spend turkey day with my cousins from my father’s family.  It was a tradition started by my father’s family.  They were a close-knit group of 8 brothers and sisters, members of the greatest generation, who started this tradition just before World War 2, initially at my grandparents’ home and then moving to the oldest sister’s house in Massachusetts (where I and my kids first went) and now at her daughter’s home in New Hampshire.  My father was the youngest of the brood and was, of course spoiled rotten, and we were always the youngest of the assembled cousins but it was one of the defining events of my childhood and instilled an appreciation of family that I hoped I have passed on to my own kids.  I can remember not wanting the day to end because this was usually the only time of the year that I saw those incredible aunts, uncles, and older cousins that I absolutely worshipped.  Yesterday was the same although I am now older than those beloved aunts and uncles from what I refer to as the Golden Age, kind of a startling thought.  The football game takes place no matter what the weather is.  It is kind of measure of age as the aunts and uncles gradually bowed out and now most of the cousins.  There were only three participants from my generation of cousins.  I am going to hang on to the game as long as I can and rely on the almost magical effects of ibuprofen.  I wish my daughter and son in law were present yesterday but they had obligations to his family that I have to respect if I am honest in my belief of the importance of family.  I am so thankful for days like yesterday but I am most thankful for my family.

Thankfully Non Traveling

Today is the day before Thanksgiving and a day I used to dread when I was in the military.  I absolutely love going to Thanksgiving dinner with my father's family in New England.  Its a tradition that dates back to before World War II and now includes a sixth generation of the family.  This is usually the only time in the year that we see most of the family but as I have stated before, "there's something special about cousins".  There is also a family football game that is long on fun and short on rules which at times gets incredibly creative.  This is my next to favorite day of the year as nothing will ever replace Christmas for me.  So saying all this why did I dread this day so much?  The driving from the far flung outposts I was stationed to this gathering was brutal.  This is generally acknowledged as the worst day of the year to be on the roads and I was on them every year.  I admire and love my wife and kids for putting up with those stultifying trips; I think they realized how important it was for me to be at those dinners.  A few years ago my mother died on the day before Thanksgiving so I do not have a lot of "good" feeling about this day.  Since I've retired from the military I don't have to travel on this day and it's something I am so thankful for, if for no other reason than I don't have to pass through Connecticut, which is a kind of personal driving pugatory.  Looking back, as painful as those drives were, the feeling of being around family and sharing that bond was more than worth the pain.  Happy Thanksgiving everybody and my understanding for the pain of those who have to travel today and tonight.

Strange Interlude

This is kind of a strange time for me.  I’ve never gone back to the same place I have worked before.  While in the military I changed jobs regularly, almost like clockwork every 2-3 years, but never back at the same place and the people always changed anyways.  Now I find myself back in the same office that I sat in three years ago.  Most of the people are the same and I really like working with them – that is, in fact, the biggest reason for returning.  It’s still really strange though on some levels.  I am reacquainting myself with all the systems and hoping not to confuse them with the similar but different systems from my old job.  I want to be immediately relevant and launch myself in my duties but I have to relearn some things and that is frustrating.  When I left here I was the “go to guy” but now I am in most respects, “the new guy”.  At the same time, it has only been two days – maybe I ought to give myself a break – sorry – not in the cards.  I love a challenge though and that is how I’m going to pursue this.  It just feels weird to walk into the same office and sit at the same desk after three years have passed.  I’m always talking about going home – well employment wise – I’m there. 

First Day Back Home Again

Today was my first day back at a job I left three years ago.  I’ve written earlier concerning the reasons I made this decision.  I started enjoying the day when I spent less than half the time commuting to work.  It only got better after that.  Apparently I am remembered fondly here by a number of people.  I spent the day acquainting myself with the changes over the last three years and throughout the day a large number of people stopped by and told me how thrilled they were to have me back.  One even baked me a bunch of chocolate chip cookies and remembered that I didn’t like having nuts in them.  Those who know me know that my ego does not need any help whatsoever but this was good day.  I had a real feeling of coming home and I am looking forward to the challenges of this new job because it’s with a bunch of people I like and respect.  I even found out who stole the refrigerator out of my office and its coming back tomorrow.  I think I’m going to have to swim twice as far tonight due to all the cookies I’ve eaten today, at least I’ll be buoyed by this feeling of contentment.

Taking One for the Team

Yesterday I surprised my wife when I volunteered to drive her to an outlet mall about an hour away from here.  As I mentioned before, I hate shopping with a white hot passion.  My wife, on the other hand, can happily spend an entire day shopping, something I usually describe as grazing.  I think my problem with it is the lack of purpose.  If I want to buy something I go to the store, find it, pay for it, and leave.  This is entirely too boring for my wife who seems to glean real pleasure out of the, to me, pointless wandering through a store.  Anyway, my daughter gave her a discount certificate that could only be used at this outlet mall and it had been burning a hole in her pocket ever since.  She went to the mall a couple weeks ago with friends but needed to go back to get some things she missed.  She had been dropping hints all week about the fact I had promised (three years ago) to take her to this mall and never did.  My wife never forgets a promise, especially one concerned with shopping.  I had been distracted all week with the upcoming job change and just gave her non-committal grunts when she brought it up.  Yesterday morning I told to get ready because we were going, she was appropriately ecstatic.  I took along my kindle for an afternoon of reading in the parking lot.  On the way down I noticed a movie theater about 7 miles from the mall, SCORE!!!  I dropped her off at the frighteningly crowded mall with a planned rendezvous time and escaped from the mall as quickly as I could.  I made my way back to the movie theater and luckily caught a movie just as it was starting. The movie was "J. Edgar" and I really enjoyed it.  I'm usually very critical of DeCaprio, thinking he gets more credit than his performances merit but he is truly impressive in this movie.  Eastwood has turned out to be one of the generation's great directors, with most of his best efforts after the age of seventy.  I came out of the movie just fifteen minutes short of the time I was supposed to pick up the wife.  She was tired but grinning from ear to ear and regaled me with stories of her adventures that day in the mall, where she even picked up a few new techniques.  Seeing her happy always lifts my spirits.  We went out to dinner and had a great talk.  When we got home she even let me watch a hockey game without complaining.  In taking one for the team (our marriage) it turned out to be a great day for both of us.

Farewell Friday

The Two Guys I'll Miss the Most

Yesterday was my last day at my old job.  It had been a bittersweet time as I was extremely focused on getting the guy replacing me up to speed.  He’s a young guy but seemed capable and understood the important things.  Everyone forgot my birthday this week so I was not expecting a big send off or anything special.  They surprised me when I was asked to go back to the conference room to meet with the client.  They had all the employees and a couple of really large cakes (my personal kryptonite).  They went around the room and asked each employee to speak and I heard some really nice things about myself.  A couple employees couldn’t speak at all, overcome with emotion.  I was kind of stunned because I have been very tough on this bunch, something they needed at the time.  I guess I made a difference which is everything I hoped for.  The client gave me a book and a very nice plaque.  The employees bought me gift certificates for the movies (I guess they do know me) and for dinner at a great restaurant.   It was nostalgic leaving but once I got on the highway for the long ride home and realized that this was the last time I’d have to make this long trip – I was content with the decision.  I stopped for a happy hour gathering with the people I start work with on Monday and it ….  was….. so ….. AWESOME!!!!!  It really felt like coming home and we had an absolutely outstanding time.  This was the camaraderie that was simply missing at my old job and it’s something I now realize I need in my life.  The best part of the evening came when my wife joined us for the last hour.  She also fit right back into the group and was teaming up against my new boss and I like we had never left.  We never stood a chance – great fun.  I left the club feeling my decision to change jobs had been fully validated.  

The Ladies Behind the Cakes

Lodging a Complaint

I have never had a high level of tolerance for complaining.  I’ve always thought you shouldn’t complain about something because that time should be spent trying to address the problem instead whining about it.  What amazes me is that I am in a very successful marriage with a woman who could take the gold medal for complaining – she really is that accomplished.  She knows how I react to complaining but can’t help herself – I must really love her.  I feel bad for my kids because while growing up they heard a lot of “stop whining” from me.  During the many long road trips that attend a military family’s life they would inevitably ask me, “How much longer?”  I would always add 200 miles to the answer I had given them the last time they asked the question.  People that work for me know they shouldn’t come to me with a problem unless they also come with a proposed solution to that problem.  People need to own the circumstances of their lives and not allow the everyday frustration that is present in all lives to overcome the empowering feeling of taking charge and not just bitching about it.  Now that I think about I am now complaining about complainers.  In a larger sense this whole blog thing I have embarked upon involves a lot of complaining.  What the hell, I have a lot of complaining stored up.

Reading – Maternal Legacy

Something I inherited from my mother and for which I am eternally grateful is my love of reading.  She instilled in me at a very early age that reading was a path to success.  She had a tough childhood in Rutland, Vermont and her lone refuge was the local library where she would spend countless hours reading.  She used the knowledge she acquired to break free of the cycle her family was in and actually declared her independence from her family when she was only 15.  This was unheard of in the 1940s but she was if anything, ruthlessly brave.  She always ascribed her courage and the drive to get an education to those early days spent reading.  During her last few years, whenever I came to visit I usually found her ensconced in her easy chair with a number of books close by.  After she passed away we were confronted with literally thousands of books that had built up over the years.  In a poignant moment, during the reading of her will, she bequeathed $1000 to the Rutland library for the positive effect on her life.  She was not a wealthy woman but she still felt the need to pass on that obligation; we were so proud of her.  She hooked me into reading by having me read things that she knew I would enjoy and we spent some long hours at the library finding books that would spark my interest.  I still remember the quiet calm and even the smell of those times in the library.  I still read daily, I love the kindle that my family bought for me but I do miss my forays to the book store – the only kind of shopping I can endure.  My wife has finally figured out that just because I am reading does not mean that I am screwing off and available for tasks.  Reading really is the path to enlightenment and more than anything else the reason I have achieved what success I have in life.  Thanks Mom.

The Greatest Gift

Photo from a Few Years Ago with My Best Birthday Gifts

I’ve always felt that birthdays are important.  Even as I acquire a fairly robust stock of them I still get excited about them.  I always find out when the birthdays of the people that work for me are and make sure to wish them a happy birthday.  Birthdays are special.  I think this stems from my own childhood when that was the one day a year I really felt special.  My parents were “tough love” types that helped make me the man I am but at the same time didn’t inspire confidence through enthusiastic support.  I discovered my self-confidence on my own.  My birthday is tomorrow and I was given the best birthday possible this past weekend when both of my kids made the effort to spend some time with me.  They both bought me movies which is next to impossible because I literally have every movie I thought I ever wanted but they somehow managed to get it right.  They know me.  The greatest gift however was them.  I am so proud of them and just being around them makes me feel better.   They both live hectic lives of their own and could easily have begged off making the trip home to see me but there they both were.  I am constantly amazed at my good fortune with these two.  I was tough on them growing up but I think I did it better than their grandparents because they always knew they were loved as well.  I will go to my grave knowing my greatest accomplishment in life was being a part of the lives of these two extraordinary people.  I think every parent, if he/she is honest, has fears about getting it right in the raising of their children.  My children took all the mystery out of it for me by simply being the best possible people I could have hoped for.  This greatest gift still had me smiling early this morning as I drove to work.

Weekend Perfection

My Daughter and I on Top of the Mountain

I relearned a lesson this weekend that I have had to relearn repeatedly - that family and the simple things are the keys to true happiness.  My daughter and son in law came up from New York City and joined me on a climb up a small mountain near where I grew up.  I was very touched that they wanted to make the climb with me.  I was attempting to redeem my pride because I climbed the same mountain back in June and it was a lot more difficult physically than it should have been.  I vowed to get back in shape and reclimb the mountain this year.  When my daughter heard I was doing this she enthusiastically joined in.  As we were making the climb I reflected on how perfect a day it was - hiking through the New Hampshire woods on a crisp autumn afternoon.  I really cherished the time together with my daughter and son in law away from other distractions.  The views were fantastic and we took the time to stop and enjoy them when each new panorama presented itself.  I found myself just looking around while we hiked and feeling like this was exactly the perfect place to be at that time.  When we reached the top of the mountain the wind was howling and the temperature dropped but we relished the accomplishment (after finding a place to rest out of the wind).  Strangely the trip back down the mountain seemed longer than the trip up, albeit much easier.  I think, in part, this was because we were heading towards the end of what had been very fun, bonding moments.  In today's very busy day to day life, an opportunity to spend an entire afternoon doing something you love with people you love is truly memorable.  It will remain one of my "perfect day" memories to the day I die.

Veterans Day

Today is Veterans Day and I am often asked about the best way to recognize Veterans.  I think the best way is to simply say, thank you.  One of the most memorable times I recall from my service was a time I was waiting to pick up my daughter who was arriving via train in Washington DC.  I was in uniform and trying to stay out of the fast moving pedestrian traffic.  An older man, probably my age now, in a suit paused and walked over to me.  This being Washington I didn't know what to expect, I mean there were anti-military demonstrators outside the pentagon on September 12, 2001. This man came up to me and said, "You don't know me but I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for serving this country."  We shook hands and we both had tears in our eyes as he turned and walked out of my life forever.  That moment meant more for me than any medal or letter of commendation I received.  After leaving the military and trying to return home I know the sacrifices our military makes are deep and sometimes not all that apparent.

 I have had this sermon framed and placed next to my desk for the last ten years.

What is a Vet?

Some veterans bear visible signs of their service:  a missing limb, a jagged scar, a certain look in the eye.  Others may carry the evidence inside them:  a pin holding a bone together, a piece of shrapnel in the leg – or perhaps another sort of inner steel:  the soul’s ally forged in the refinery of adversity.  Except in parades, however, the men and women who have kept America safe wear no badge or emblem.  You can’t tell a vet just by looking.  What is a vet?  He is the cop on the beat who spent six months in Saudi Arabia sweating two gallons a day making sure the armored personnel carriers didn’t run out of fuel.  He is the barroom loudmouth, dumber than five wooden planks, whose overgrown frat-boy behavior is outweighed a hundred times in the cosmic scales by four hours of exquisite bravery near the 38^th parallel.  She, or he, is the nurse who fought against futility and went to sleep sobbing every night for two solid years in Da Nang.  He is the POW who went away one person and came back another – or didn’t come back at all.  He is the Quantico drill instructor who has never seen combat but has saved countless lives by turning slouchy, no account rednecks and gang members into Marines, and teaching them to watch each other’s backs.  He is the parade riding Legionnaire who pins on his ribbons and medals with a prosthetic hand.  He is the career quartermaster who watches the ribbons and medals pass him by.  He is the three anonymous heroes in the Tomb of the Unknowns, whose presence at the Arlington National Cemetery must forever preserve the memory of all the anonymous heroes whose valor dies unrecognized with them on the battlefield or in the ocean’s sunless deep.  He is the old guy bagging groceries at the supermarket, palsied now and agonizingly slow, who helped liberate a Nazi death camp and wishes all day long that his wife was still alive to hold him when the nightmares come.  He is an ordinary and yet an extraordinary human being, a person who offered some of his life’s most vital years in the service of his country, and who sacrificed his ambitions so others would not have to sacrifice theirs.  He is a Soldier and a savior and a sword against the darkness, and he is nothing more than the finest, greatest testimony on behalf of the finest, greatest nation ever known.  So remember, each time you see someone who has served our country, just lean over and say Thank You.  That’s all most people need, and in most cases it will mean more than any medals they could have been awarded or were awarded.  Two little words that mean a lot, “THANK YOU”.  Remember November 11^th is Veterans Day.  “It is the Soldier, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of the press.  It is the Soldier, not the poet who has given us freedom of speech.  It is the Soldier, not the campus organizer, who has given us the freedom to demonstrate.  It is the Soldier, who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag.” – Father Denis O'Brien, USMC

Last Lecture

R.I.P.

On the recommendation of my son’s most excellent new girlfriend I read The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch this week.  This is the chronicle of a college professor who was informed he had terminal liver cancer and was offered the opportunity to present a “last lecture” in which he passed on his life’s lessons, most importantly to his very young children.  I saw Mr. Pausch on Good Morning America shortly before his death in 2008, was struck by his optimism, and had always meant to get around to reading his book. I am exceedingly glad that I did and would recommend the book to anyone.  It was eerie to a certain degree in that he was saying a lot of the things I personally believe in, albeit in a much more lucid fashion than I am capable of.  He was five years younger than me but grew up with the same fascination for Walt Disney and Captain Kirk.  The book also fleshed out the content of his actual lecture which was limited in time.  I hope that I meet my end with the same kind of courage and thoughtfulness.  I think, to a certain extent, this is what I am trying to do with this blog.  I want to pass on what I have learned and experienced but often didn’t say to my kids and hopefully someday – grandkids.  I’m at an age where I won’t get to know any grandkids when they reach adulthood and appreciate what I am trying to pass on so hopefully they will someday read this and know I was thinking about them.  (to my own children – no pressure – just an observation)  The book is a quick read and well worth the time.  Once again, the central lesson – life is such a precious gift and should be cherished and enjoyed.

Pater Familias

I often reflect on the impact my father’s family had upon me.  My father was the youngest of a very large family, all of whom came of age during World War 2.  One of his brothers, Pete, was a Marine killed in the battle of Guadalcanal.  All of his other brothers, as well as my father, wore uniforms and served in the military during the war.  If anything, the sisters were even tougher and the real steel of the family.  I can still remember walking up to one of my uncles, all full of myself for just returning from my first assignment in Germany.  The uncle, a B-17 door gunner in the war (one of the most dangerous jobs in the war), grinned at me when I regaled him of my times in Frankfurt.  For just a second I saw the iron in his eyes behind his normal jovial temperament as he said, “The last time I saw Frankfurt it was a smoking parking lot.”  Looking back, my childhood was only twenty years after the great cataclysm and here was that incredible group of brothers and sisters raising families and going about living life to its fullest – there was a sense of joy at just being together.  Some of the fondest memories of my childhood were the annual summer family reunions and the family Thanksgivings.  It always amazed me at how close this incredible family was, a closeness forged in the daunting challenges they faced in their youth.  There’s a saying in my family, “There’s something special about cousins.”  I still walk into a room with one of those cousins, maybe after years of no contact, and we pick up our relationship as if we had seen each other every day.  I think that is possible because we want to pay homage to those aunts and uncles who treated all of us a one big family.  When my parents divorced I was much more upset about the impact of my time with my father’s family than I was with my father moving out. I’ve tried to pass on that feeling of family to my own kids, dragging them to the family Thanksgiving each year.  Although it is now only a shadow of what it once was and all of the uncles and aunts are now gone.  Even a shadow of that closeness is a worthwhile immersion.

First Loves

We met my son’s new girl friend this past weekend and I really like the way my son acts around her.  He’s obviously in love and acts differently towards this girl than he has around any of the others we have seen.  Observing my son in the throes of his first real love, I reflected on my own experience.  I’ve been fortunate enough to experience two great loves in my life.  I completely screwed up the first, my college sweetheart and first fiancé, and have been married to the second for nearly thirty years.  There is an almost breathtaking intensity to that first love.  I remember being almost incapable to thinking of anything else when I first fell in love.  This was not especially great timing since I was in college at the time and supposedly focusing a little bit of attention towards my studies (that for another post).  That intensity scared both of us and caused her to hesitate and declare after a few months that she needed to see someone else, to confirm her feelings for me (never understood that logic).  I can still clearly remember the moment she told me this and the attendant, rending heartbreak.  I never recovered from that and unfairly punished her for the duration of our time together because of it.  She eventually committed to our relationship, but I treated her poorly, breaking up several times, as we navigated through college life, always throwing the other guy in her face.  After graduation we became engaged shortly before I headed out for my first overseas assignment.  Several months before the wedding was scheduled I broke it off because of a short fling with a bizarre English girl.  Looking back I know this was the right decision as I was not prepared for marriage but first loves are tough to let go of.  The following Christmas I was back in the States and actually went to her apartment but never made it out of my car in the parking lot and left after thirty minutes.  I rationalized that it would be manifestly unfair to attempt reconciliation after my behavior.  I was also afraid she would shoot me in the face when she opened the door.  I still thought about her daily, even after meeting the great love of my life – my wife.  It was something that dogged me for years as I was unable to emotionally let her go.  I don’t know why but in 1997, eighteen years after the breakup, I was driving in an Army jeep through the back woods of Minnesota and decided it was time to let her go and it happened.  I felt free for the first time in almost two decades.  It’s strange that these long harbored feelings never affected the intense love I had towards my wife but it was still liberating.  As stated above, first loves are tough to let go of.  I’m excited for my son – I’m sure he’ll do a better job than I did with it.

Weekend Emoto Coast

This past weekend, starting on Friday, was an emotional rollercoaster that had me exhausted by Sunday night.  On Friday I made the decision to change jobs and revealed that decision to my client and my bosses.  I was very touched by the universal praise they all expressed for the job that I have done here and felt kind of nostalgic.  Later on Friday I signed the offer letter for the new job with the boss I loved working for – felt very enthusiastic.  I then hurried home to meet my son and his new girlfriend.  She turned out to be an absolute peach and my son is obviously severely smitten – felt contentment and paternal love.  Saturday was spent in an all day prep status getting ready for my wife’s annual Panamanian Independence Day party – felt harried.  My best friend showed up and we started greeting guests – felt contentment.  Shortly after the party started I received one of the most frightening phone calls of my life from a tearful brother in law who said while preparing to come to the party, my sister (one of the most important people in my life) had some sort of “event” in which she became confused.  My brother in law rushed her to the hospital where she was undergoing tests to ascertain if she had a stroke – felt absolute terror.  It was so good to have my best friend there as he provided immediate support that got me through the next couple of hours.  I would check out of the party every half hour or so to get an update from my brother in law – felt continual trepidation.  Eventually the news started getting better and her cognitive skills returned and I even spoke to her prior to her discharge from the hospital – felt elation.  At this point I threw myself into the party and consumed mass quantities of beer and cupcakes.  I had been staring at the cupcakes (one of my favorite food groups) for two days while being continually warned by my wife to leave them alone.  We ended up dancing the night away and enjoying the great company – felt emotionally drained.  Sunday we jumped in the car and went down to visit my sister.  She had experienced what is called Transient Global Amnesia and appeared totally normal.  We gave her a hug, talked for about an hour and headed home – felt relieved.  The New England Patriots defense managed to reverse the positive trend of my weekend by blowing a sure win with 15 seconds left – felt white hot anger.  Today – the emotions continue as I reveal my departure to the people who work for me – maybe some joy – at least for them – yet.

De-Bozoed

It looks like I will have to retract my earlier comments characterizing the corporate guy I met earlier this week as a famous clown.  I received a call last night from my former boss (the guy I really like to work for) that the guy actually liked me a lot and went back to corporate to fight to hire me.  Apparently I am going to receive an offer letter today that has all the offending language removed.  This is exciting for all the reasons I listed earlier – the best - I get to spend more time with the wife.  She has been incredibly loyal for thirty years as I dragged her literally all over the earth and then left her with the family for extended periods while I was out playing Army.  I encouraged her to retire last year because we really didn’t need the money she was making.  We talked a few weeks ago that she really likes the free time but that I spend so much time driving to and from my current job its almost like I’m back in the Army working 12 hour days all the time.  She was wondering where all the time together was that I promised after retiring from the military.  So, if the offer is as characterized, I am going to take it – she’s worth it.

Storms and Politicians

As most of the world knows we are digging out of a powerful, unprecedented early snow storm that caused massive power outages.  While I am sure some things could have been done better, from my view the power companies have done a great job getting power back on to the more than 600,000 who were without power on Sunday.  The day after the storm there were reports of teams from as far away as Ohio and Canada already in state and assisting with the effort.  As I drove to work at 6am each day this week I passed huge convoys of electrical service trucks out to fix the problem.  Based on my experience, none of this happens without some prior planning and coordination.  However, this being the People’s Republic of Massachusetts, the politicians have jumped on the issue as an effort to make a name for themselves.  I heard a report today on the radio where Martha Coakley, the state attorney general and failed senate candidate, self-importantly state that she was going to investigate the electric companies and possibly fine them.  Thanks Martha, guess who the companies will pass on the fines to, their customers, us.  We’re not even a week after the storm and here we go trying to play the blame game and trying to get some political traction.  What should be a time to praise the truly herculean efforts of those teams out there in the cold doing their level best to get the power back on, we have politicians focusing on the negatives.  I’ve been in third world countries where this type disaster would require months to fix.  Martha, shut up or at least take time to recognize the true heroes out there 24/7 doing something positive, like actually getting the power back on.  I’m sure that some of those hard working teams heard the same thing I did this morning and were as equally disgusted.

Petrified Wife

I had a long day yesterday.  I was interviewed by the company trying to hire me for that new/old position.  I told them ahead of time that I would not sign certain clauses that would restrict my independence if they lost the contract.  I was therefore severely disappointed when the guy from corporate showed up with an offer letter with the exact language I objected to.  I was not impressed with him at all, which led to doubts about working for a company where a bozo like this could rise to a position of authority.  He kept spouting about the risk-reward of accepting the position but failed to see there was a lot of risk for me and scant reward from them.  I would be making exactly what I currently make.  I told him no thanks and walked out before the promised dinner.  I kind of liked having the independence to tell him that.  On the upside, the interview was at the Hyatt Harborside Hotel next to Logan Airport and the view of the Boston skyline at night across the water was dazzling.  I eventually got home and was fed by a disgruntled wife who thought she didn’t have to feed me last night.  She felt bad the job didn’t work out because it would have made for a much shorter commute for me and more time at home with her.  Just before heading up to bed last night she was puttering around the kitchen and I wandered in, so we could follow our normal routine of walking upstairs together.  She turned around and literally screamed and almost fainted.  I was perplexed as she angrily accused me of almost scaring her to death.  I joked that I didn’t think that I was that tough to look at but she was having none of it.  I finally realized how upset she was and apologized but maintained I had simply walked into the room.  Once she calmed down she admitted that she had been watching a lot of ghost stories on television over the last few days and when she turned around she thought I was a ghost.  I am much larger, physically, than my wife and when she turned around and saw me, with her already vivid imagination further inflamed by the ghost stories, she almost blew a gasket.  I ended up being impressed.  There must be something is the wife handbook which explains how they can get a husband to apologize profusely for doing absolutely nothing but walking into the room.  Ahh – the joys of matrimony (said in abject irony if she reads this).  

Scariest Movie List

Yesterday was Halloween and that calls for a list of the scariest movies.  If you know me at all, you know that I love movies and one of my favorite genres is horror movies. One of the reasons I love movies so much is that I am able to transport myself into the plot, suspend my disbelief, as it were.  Horror movies scare the hell out of me and I love it.  I’ve never been able to figure out why but from my earliest movie going experiences I can remember peeking between my fingers at the 1960’s Hammer horror films, with Christopher Lee as Dracula (still my favorite) and asking my sister if I could sleep on the floor of her room after watching one of a Friday series of late night horror movies called “Chiller!”.  I had a hard time distilling the list down to just five but I went with ones that elicited the most visceral responses; that made me try to reacquire my disbelief.  So here goes: 

5 - Jaws – scared the hell out of me probably because I loved swimming and all of a sudden there was this force of nature that would literally eat me.  While the effects now look a little hokey, at the time, it terrified me.  I can remember being nervous while swimming, even in swimming pools.

4 – Halloween – the original is so frightening before the sequels bestowed Michael Myers with all kinds of supernatural powers.  It was so spooky to have this faceless, emotionless killer stalking the streets of a typical town.  Donald Pleasance is perfect in convincing the audience of the evil of the killer.

3 – Evil Dead 1 & 2 – basically the same movie with the second one made with more money.  While this movie series was eventually transformed into a comedy in later versions (even in #2 where it starts to creep in), the original was scary as hell.  The theme of ancient evil called forth unwittingly by an isolated professor using the Necronomicon and then having that evil prey on a group of young partiers stuck a cord with me.  The ending was also disturbing, which I won’t ruin for you.  

2 – Insidious - A new movie this year that scared the living bejesus out of me.  Victimizing a child is always scary (Stephen King has made a career out of it).  There were a couple of scenes that literally had me jumping out of my seat, especially when the demon appeared suddenly at a dining room discussion.  This movie pushed another one of the same type, The Entity, out of the top five.  Interestingly Barbra Hershey was in both movies.

1 – The Exorcist – Hands down the most scared I have ever been in my life.  I’ve been shot at and was not as scared as I was during this movie.  I can remember begging the characters not to go down the hallway leading to the possessed girl’s room again.  This movie haunted me for years.  Trying to sleep after watching the movie for the first time, a less than beloved household cat perched on top of a dresser next to my bed and the moonlight made her eyes glow.  I was petrified until I figured out it was the soon to be airborne feline.